remembering how good “better” feels
by bam
that’s a revised headline up there. it’s shortened from what i was first going to type. what i really wanted to write was: “sometimes you have to feel awful to remember how good better feels.”
convoluted, yes. a bit dark, perhaps. and plenty long — for a headline, anyway. too long, truth be told. so i nipped off a few words, and gave you the gist.
in its own way, it’s a deeply irish way of putting it. and that’s one of the things i love about being irish. why say it straight on, why shove aside the complexities, when you can get there by way of the meandering footpath that wends across the moor? why go for undiluted sunshine when you can poke around the shadows and emerge from irish mist?
what other people find their way to blessing only by first mucking about in the slop?
and so i defend my curious perspective as one whose genes are firmly rooted in the peat of eire, my homeland of a little isle, plopped amid the crashing, crushing north atlantic. and it’s the thought that came to me after four weeks on the sick list. there were days — and days and days — when every breath hurt just a little bit. when i found myself considering not just my lungs, but all those little bronchioles and air sacs that make exchange of oxygen a certainty, a condition of staying alive. i’d not in a long time spent whole nights mapping my eustachian tube, that little tunnel of the inner ear that goes by unnoticed so many, many years of our lives. but once that little throughway gets flooded, filled with angry waters, hoh boy, you start giving it your attention — and then some.
i could go on — but i won’t — naming the body parts that in recent weeks have screamed for attention. reminded me of their existence. made me think quite a bit about how, most of the time, they just go about their business, paying no mind to anything but the job at hand, not yelping out for assist in any way.
and all of it finds me marveling at the pure and undiluted blessing of being alive. day after day being gifted with this flesh-upholstered machine that bends and stretches, reaches for the stars (or simply the soup can on the highest pantry shelf). while sinew and synapse do their daily chores, we get to exercise our soul. titillate our imaginations. strike our funny bones.
it’s the gift of being sick, of pausing to pay notice. of realizing there’s no guarantee on all these body parts. when we’re oblivious, they’re working well. when they go kaput, we halt to attention, we consider the zillions of taken-for-granteds that keep us going, hour after hour.
as sick as i am of feeling sick, i’m trying to make the most of this personal anatomical inventory. i am trying to hold up to the light all the parts that work so hard — so without applause — to do their jobs. a knee that bends. airways that breathe in oxygen, blow out nasty CO2. eyes that make out the shifting shades of pink across a sunset sky. and catch the red bird darting by.
i’ve paused my whole life long to consider a litany of gifts. i’ve a dear dear friend whose daughter couldn’t hear for the first five years she was on this planet, and when my friend catalogued the sounds her daughter had missed, my heart wept. clock ticking. church bells. dawn awakening. the sound of her mother’s heart beating inside her chest. coffee percolating. crickets. raindrops. wind.
when i was in high school, a dear friend of mine was strapped into an electric wheel chair. i plopped beside him on the radiators just outside the cafeteria, and while he was so content to sit and watch the passersby, i remembered what a gift it was that when the lunch bell rang, i could leap off the hot seat and get to class without pushing buttons on my motorized chair.
even now, i have a dear friend whose ankle — and all the tendons and ligaments around it — shattered when she slipped on a river bank, to get a finer look at the moon. she’s been as patient as a saint for the last year and a half. and every time i talk to her, every time i think of how she can no longer traipse through woodlands, poke around for mushroom caps, i look down at my little sometimes-wobbly ankle, and whisper thank you.
i suppose you might say i come to blessings through the back door. or through the mist.
but whatever is my twisty path, i am so relieved i am no longer contemplating my alveoli (those wee little sacs that comprise the lungs). i am simply inhaling straight-up gratitude for the gift of hauling this creaky body through one more whirl around the day.
what would be the gifts on your thank-you list today? and what does it take for you to pause and pay attention to those quiet wonders that make us so alive?
I discovered Slowing Time last fall, in a very round about yet blessed way. That led me to Pull Up a Chair. I am so grateful to you, Barbara, for sharing your stories and your wisdom. As an Irish Catholic girl who has spent much time as a chaplain in a Jewish hospital and a Jewish continuing care community – and as one who is just blessed to be finding my way through this wonderful and crazy life – your words and rituals resonate deeply with me. And as we all made our way through the election season and my heart ached for our country and the most vulnerable who would be most impacted, I felt hope and comfort knowing I wasn’t alone with the ache.
For just over a week now I’ve been nursing my husband back to health following the flu and managing the challenges of being snowed and iced in. Yet the beautiful and warming sun is shining today and I received a UPS notice that Motherprayer is ‘out for delivery’! 🙂
Wishing you many blessings and good health on this St. Patrick’s Day, with gratitude and kindness…
oh my goodness gracious! the serendipities of life enchant me to no end. i love round-about ways (so irish, after all!). i love your story of being an irish catholic chaplain in a jewish hospital. i will never forget being in a hospital some years back and the rabbi wandered in, put his hand on my forehead and blessed me in hebrew. it was the most profound wash of blessing i’ve ever felt. i can still feel his palm pressed against my head. can still remember the shivers that the words shot through me.
bless you for nursing your husband. and bless you for ordering up a dollop of motherprayer. i’ve been hearing that it’s wending its way through the mails this week. and i pray SOOOOOOO deeply that you find holy whispers in those pages. the ones that stir your own stories to life, and remind you just how much we learn about love all along the mothering way…….i’ll be holding my breath. and thank you for pulling up a chair. xoxox
I am in gratitude for many things on this Friday, St. Patrick’s Day! For being Irish!! 🙂 For God’s giving me the strength to endure ALL the obstacles that He has put in my path this past year…testing me…?! But how much more?? 🙂 knee surgery, dental surgery, flooded out of my home…temporarily living in a hotel…but my Faith has NEVER wavered! And I AM recovering…I have never thought, ‘why me’?
Life gives each of us ‘stuff’ to deal with. This is just what I have been given this past year. It will get better. 🙂 I have been dealing with it, head on, in spite of it all! It occurred to me yesterday, with all that has happened, for some reason…what life lessons are to be learned from this? I am a different person now…throughout all of this adversity I have changed and adapted as necessary, to survive! I am back at work now…and my employer has been incredibly supportive throughout…I was welcomed back!! I am in gratitude for all of my friends and colleagues…and new challenges…such is life. Cheers!
Happy St. Patty’s Day!
dear big brother john, you HAVE had a whole slew to deal with this year, and from my faraway point on the map, it appears you’ve dealt with all of it wholly unflapped. maybe it’s your california cool that makes you so unruffled. or maybe something far deeper. xoxo
Thank you for the beautiful thoughts about what we do have that still works Beth
you are so deeply welcome! bless YOU!
“Being Irish he had an abiding sense of tragedy which sustained him in temporary moments of joy.” Yeats
Thankfully you have an exquisite sense of joy.
yowzer! i sure love knowing that mr. yeats and i have at least a little bit in common. even if we’re inside out.
oh, and i love you madly besides.
Oh, I love the Yeats quote! Are we sure he wasn’t a wee bit Scandinavian? So Bergmanesque. Heck, so Keilloresque.
bam, I had no idea you were sick for so long! My dear, I hope you are able to get to your garden to see all the green, along with white, purple, pink and maybe even daffodil yellow trying to emerge. Remember, Monday is the vernal equinox, certainly an Earth holy day..
Today I am thankful for a surprise email with video of an adorable baby pygmy hippo halfway around the world, both latitudinally and longitudinally, at Sydney’s Taronga Zoo. It brought joy I could share with my department.
Your recounting of your acquaintance with usually anonymous areas of your anatomy reminded me of becoming aware of muscles and muscle groups and all sorts of achy, atrophied, spasming tissue after hip replacement. And of being mindful that while I could soon ditch the walker and the cane, for many people, those tools are the only way to get around. With almost good-as-new mobility, I can definitely attest to how good “better” feels. (And I am thankful for all the help I got, especially with the animals, during my down time.)
Finally, happy St. Patrick’s Day! Despite not a smidge of Irish DNA, I wear green today to honor the refugees from famine and brutal government oppression who crossed a wide ocean for freedom only to find religious discrimination (still rampant during the 1960 election!) and back-breaking, low-paying jobs earlier arrivals didn’t want. The Irish helped build Chicago, brick by brick (and shovelful by shovelful–thank you for the I&M Canal), shared their music and showed us who really owns the English language. Theirs is the story of every immigrant group seeking a new start in the United States, ripe with potential contributions that can enrich us all.
You are SOOOOO beautiful! Your litany of reasons for wearing green make me — a girl whose Irish father did NOT don green on this day — want to run and grab some Irish linen, at least!!
So happy your hip is like new! And your muscles can go back to their preferred anonymity!
Xox
I’m thankful to be 36 weeks pregnant (& only 1 week away from being considered full term!) I am finding myself aware of (& increasingly uncomfortable with) body parts I barely knew I had before this little human began growing! I am thankful as heck to be so close to meeting our little one. I am humbled by this stage of my life, I am accustomed to being active, able to lift, bend, twist, run, etc. This giant baby belly is forcing me to slow down & take it easier than I ever have before. I found new appreciation for slowing down when I first read “Slowing Time” and I revisit it in this late stage of pregnancy. So many things to notice along the way – as long as I’m willing to slow down & pay attention. Thanks, as always, for such a wonderful blog.
OHHHHHHH my gracious! i love knowing you are with child, as they so quaintly and beautifully put it. and still you are worrying about stocking someone else’s pantry, and here you are reminding us all how humbling it is to be about to birth a babe. i know i am not alone in sending you armloads of blessings, and letting you know that you will be so wrapped in our motherlove as you enter that labor and delivery phase, and cradle that dream come true for the rest of your life. bless you so so much. i am thrilled — obviously — by your beautiful news…..xoxox