picking up the pieces
by bam
it’s april in the flatlands. and that means twister season. and so it was that yesterday blew across the plains. blew mightily.
for long hours of the day, the sky was charcoal gray, was roiling. every once in a while, the clouds opened wide, let loose a gusher. early in the morning, when i stepped back into the house, after driving my sweet mate to the train amid thundering downpour, i heard what sounded like a shower running.
now, i live with some mighty forgetful folk, but i’ve not lately known them to forget to turn off the shower. so i poked around. more like dashed. followed the sound of splish-splash-splosh till i got to the top of the basement stairs. there i leapt, two stairs at a time, a mighty lope, if i dare say so.
the in-home waterfall — the one i’d not ordered — it was gurgily demonstrating its hydro powers. water fell, all right. poured from the ceiling down the wall, and rolled threateningly toward the electrical outlets where i’d yet to pull the plugs.
i marveled. or maybe it was more like gawked. (you’ve had, perhaps, those elongated seconds where your brain cells and synapses are trying to connect, are trying to understand just why it is the bead-board wall is making like a shower head.) before too many seconds ticked away, i grabbed a stash of towels, a bucket, a mop. heck, i might have grabbed a fly swatter had there been one in sight. (i’m not sure why; i was grabbing anything on a stick, anything long enough to reach and plug the hole. as if i could keep the avalanche from coming.)
in time, the gushing slowed. became laconic drip. but all day i kept vigil, kept my ear tuned for the susurrations of a leaking basement.
by then, the skies darkened, and the weatherman interrupted the broadcast to flash rainbow-colored radar maps onto the TV screen. awful tornadoes tore western and northern illinois to bits. a 50-mile swath, one half-a-mile wide, set new records for hell on earth. gashed the state, and everything in its path, from rockford clear north and east into wisconsin.
out my own windows, the winds picked up. the glass panes rattled. and then the howls and whistles started in, the sound of hurling air in swift pursuit of havoc.
i must have been asleep by the time the worst of it whirled through. i heard nothing but the cat’s meow at 3 a.m. i let him out but i couldn’t see through the dark of night. couldn’t see the fence blown over. couldn’t see the bird house poles that had been plucked up and torpedoed, steep-roofed projectiles, flying arrows through the night.
but once the morning came, once i stepped outside, it was clear, was evident. the yard was not what it had been. something fierce had shattered things.
and, come morning, there was only the picking up of pieces to be done.
it’s uncanny sometimes, the way the outer world aligns with what’s inside. deep down inside. it’s uncanny how, on this becalmed morning after, i roam the soggy grass, i search for shards of wood, and splintered bird house parts. i pick up the pieces of my storm-splattered yard, and deep inside i try to re-assemble shards of my heart that, too, have been shattered in these recent hours.
some days, in the aftermath of storm, it’s the rounds we make, the assessing damage, the gathering of brokenness, that serves to make us whole. whether the brokenness is from the weather’s wrath, or that of someplace deeper.
did you stay safe last night? what are your healing rituals the morning after something’s torn you to pieces?
Yow, you got it worse than we did and we aren’t that far away! That’s what always strikes me about these events — especially tornadoes, which are so random and yet seemingly so targeted in their destruction. On these days, it’s a blend of “there but for the grace of God,” and humility in the face of such power, and gratitude that you are safe, if soggy.
in a surreal afterthought, a huge tree just fell out front. it’s actually on our neighbor’s part of the parkway, but it fell clear across the street. right where blair had parked a car last night. thank god no kids were out there walking home from the bus stop……..so sad for a tree to be gone. it was a lovely catalpa tree…..
That is sad, I hate the loss of any tree.
So glad you are all safe … I love catalpas … we had one next to the driveway in the house where I grew up. Hope your interior flood has ceased and that cleanup hasn’t been too icky. In 1997 I was in a condo building and our storage units were downstairs in the lower-level garage … which filled up to the tippy top when Salt Creek burst its banks. Couldn’t get to it until the engineers said it was all right … several weeks later. You can imagine … blech. But riding the rescue bus out of the flood zone that day of the great rain, I met a woman who is one of my dearest friends … was my matron of honor. Wouldn’t trade her for all the stuff lost … it was just stuff. So glad you are all well. xoxo
oh, wow! leave it to you to make a lifelong friend, in the midst of being driven away from a flood zone……
that story makes my day. and it’s been quite a day.
xoxoxoxo
Oh, Barbara, I am so sorry. On top of everything else. Hope you’ve been able to weep. Lots of love.
Sorry for the micro-devastation in your world. Wind is invisible, but what an effect it can have on our landscapes both short and long term. Such power is frightening yet glorious too. Being a midwesterner, I have lived through tornadoes and am grateful to have come through as a witness to the devastation, but not personal loss of life or meaningful property. Yet witnessing the loss of others takes it toll also. Those moments take us, shake us, and say “focus”, and bless what is. A new birdhouse will take the place of that broken one, and tree will be planted, but appreciation will be different for both. I saw those clouds and winds to the north later yesterday and sent a prayer in your direction for safety and calm. So glad no one was hurt. Hope today brings some semblance of peace and recovery. xxoo
i keep walking by the uprooted roots of the big old tree. a delight i’ve noticed is that its downfall seems to have made for a groaning board for the robins, all of whom are plucking away at the lusciousness that must have been unearthed. earthworms. pill bugs. i have no idea all that’s on the menu, but it just be juicy because there are flocks and flocks flitting in, filling their bellies, and then fluttering away…..
appreciation for all the trees that still stand. profound appreciation. and deepest prayers for those who lost everything. and the dairy cattle that have been scared and scattered as the winds whipped through pastureland and farms…..
A poem ~ this is one I have had around and played with for awhile. I have lost some trees here over 30 years. I miss them. Time to share. xxoo
Ghost Trees
I remember each one, where it stood.
Silhouettes against light
Letters on sky
Springs of growth up
Summers of shade over
Falls of roots down
Winters of reminders to rest.
They gave sheltering sources of reflection
Each one stamped and
Owning its own marks and wounds,
Yet always, branches turning, twisting, seeking light.
The spaces are emptied,
Wind moves unimpeded,
Light spills and splashes to the ground,
Nothing breaks the sky into pieces.
Yet…the rustle and murmur of leaves,
Creaks and sighs of branches,
Patterns of dark and light
Drift through my dreams.
Designs that are part of me,
Tall and grand.
lamcal
Joanie, that is so very beautiful!
ohhhhhhhhh, honey! now i am crying. one of the sad things: the poor tree was covered in buds. it was ABOUT to leaf out. and when i saw all those buds cut short……all the spring that didn’t get to be….
oh, i love your poem. so beautiful….
“nothing breaks the sky into pieces.”
thank you for honoring us with this poem…
I’m so sorry for your loss, Barbara. When our natural world or our homes are invaded by water or fire or wind, it is a tearing.
You ask about ritual and I look back and wish I had had one. I don’t see ritual in my life, I must discover this comfort.
being a creature of habit (too much so, sometimes), i lean into ritual and rhythm. and in days of brokenness, i have learned over time, the healing comes so often in those devoted acts of surrender, the balm of walking toward the light…..
planting myself in a patch of sunshine, submerging in a bubbly bath, walking into a quiet church, allowing the passing of time to work its blessing….and, always, working my hands in the earth….these are among the healing rituals….
Thank you. Actually, my life had rhythm and ritual until about 15 years ago when everything changed and I didn’t see that I lost my own stability just when I needed it most. I’ve never really regained myself but my heart has longed for it.
This month has been full of strange and sometimes terrible news.
“always, working my hands in the earth…”
Yes! This is me. So I’ve pruned and raked and picked up sticks, and dug in the dirt, so very grateful for springtime.
Healing.
And instructional too, as I recalled a Proverb – “A person who is passing by and meddles in a quarrel that’s not his is like one who grabs a dog by the ears.”
Peace.
and peace to you, dear elaine. the springtime morning is chilly here (nearly freezing) but always that dirt-digging soothes what ails me…..