godawful bows
by bam
i haul them out every year, and every year i wince.
they are my godawful bows. squished. old. tied, perhaps, by someone tipsy–or at least you’d think so, judging from the odd knot there in the middle and the strands that fly like hair in need of hair-goo.
they are my trademark red-plaid bows.
every year, when all the ancient ornaments are hoisted to the bough, when the red-feathered cardinal is twisted to the tippy top, when all the wooden cranberries are strung, i reach for the old stride-rite shoe box. i lift the lid, and there they are: a mash of tipsy bows.
a hundred years ago, just on my own, in a fit of my-first-christmas, i stopped by the nearest ribbon rack and bought a roll or three of red-plaid strands, and another one or two of bright red velvet. i picked up some skinny green wire, too, long as i was at it.
then i sat beside my tree and tied and tied. in fact, i was making up for lack of ornament. when you first start out in the christmas department, you’ve not got a lifetime of ornaments to call your own.
not got the little wooden nurse, the one once given me by a beloved pediatric patient. not got the sequined pine cone dipped in glue and glitter by my once-upon-a-three-year-old. not got the sweet red pocketbook–the size of a dolly’s and clutching a lucky penny–once handed me by my brother’s long-lost girlfriend.
and back then at the beginning, lest i subscribe to some naked christmas club, in which the ol’ evergreen was bare but for all the twinkly lights, i had to fill things out with the gobs and gobs of bows.
year one, it worked. so much so i barely went to bed, if i recall, just sat there all night long, admiring the heck out of my knack for tying knots.
but ever since…well, see…
every year, come, oh, february, when i get around to dismantling that old tree, i unhinge the bows and stuff them back where they belong, in the shoebox that never was quite roomy enough for all that red-plaid overabundance.
this then would be some 29 years later, which means those bows have spent the better part of 319 months utterly squished and rather cramped besides.
problem is, when you’re a bow, no one hears your cries for help, and thus you are simply stranded.
so you do what any self-respecting bow would do: you protest. you get a little cockeyed. you unloose your knot. you decide you’ll do anything but act or look quite like a bow.
you decide, after all those months in darkness, that you’ll subject your captor to a little taste of what she so surely deserves: you will humiliate the heck out of her, should she be so tone-deaf, so tasteless, as to hang you out in public.
ahem.
you now know, i suspect, why all the trees in the lot cringe when i walk by. you understand, i suppose, why at my house the fir is cowering in the corner.
it’s the godawful bows causing all the trouble.
if only i’d give ‘em up and spring for new ones.
but, geez, don’t they get it: you don’t just up and dump all that history.
why, those bows have seen it all, apartment after apartment, chapter after chapter.
the little house where i was tucked upstairs, with the downstairs landlords who stuffed me in their pickup truck and drove us to a far-off farm so we could chop a spindly tree. never mind that they were all dead, the trees, once we got there.
the old victorian where both my boys were born, where each one–barely old enough to wobble without flopping–got plunked on the couch so i could plug in the lights and watch their eyes go gaga.
heck, those red-plaids even made the move from the gritty city to out here where it’s all leafy and so not-urban.
thus, despite the cries of protest from my boys, the ones who claim they’re ashamed to call that tree their own, the bows come out, year after year after year.
and do not pass this around, but even i’m a tad embarrassed. even i deduce the need for a dash of christmas sprucing.
matter of fact, i was all alone this year when it came time to do the bows. and, even though i didn’t see another soul around, i heard the words, “godawful bows,” come out of someone’s mouth.
so now they, too, know the awful truth.
somehow, though, i find it fitting that mine’s a tree that’s far from picture perfect. and therein lies in truest beauty.
do you have something unsightly that, every year, is part of your tradition? something that perhaps is all the dearer for its odd shapes, and bumps and bruises?
as we move now into “year three, the chair,” i’ve not quite decided just what my routine will be. till i figure that out, i’ll keep writing on wednesdays. but perhaps, i’ll switch to fridays. no matter which, you know the table’s always here, so it doesn’t much matter, most likely.
Our first Christmas tree was rather bare in the ornament department as I recall. Nineteen years later we have managed to accumulate about 3 trees worth of ornaments. I’m not sure how this happened. This year, we didn’t put all the ornaments on the tree. I’m still shocked by that a week later. But really, the tree would have keeled over under the weight of all those ornaments. So only the truly treasured trinkets went on the tree. We started a tradition when our three little ones were just wee babes. Each Christmas, we bought them each an ornament. And a South Carolina cousin has gifted them each year too with a new ornament. So when we youngsters head out into the world and set up their own Christmas trees in their own homes, they will have quite an extensive ornament collection. And then our tree might once again look a little bare.
I have Spidey. I seriously doubt that anyone else on planet Earth has a tree adorned with Spiderman, but he belongs way, way up there, near the top of my tree, and I can’t imagine it any other way. This tradition started long, long ago when the little boy who is now a man with a wife and house of his own was so small that he first needed help from Mom to cut precious Spidey out of the back of a cereal box, and then needed a boost from Dad so that those small arms could reach to the top of the tree. As the years have gone on, this has become one of those wordless traditions. He doesn’t live here anymore, but when he comes in on Christmas Day, he knows where to find his Spidey, and he knows that he will find an empty spot for Spidey on the tree. Yes, Spidey looks odd amongst the golden baubles and red hearts that adorn the evergreen, but the tree would not be complete without him. Just as the holidays aren’t complete unti the family gathers together to share the peace, joy, and love of this season, my tree would not be the “family tree” wtihout this remnant of the middle son’s childhood. I’ve tried to gift his wife with the cardboard adornment, I’ve tried to lose it in the tissue paper and other holiday remnants, but, in my heart, I know Christmas would not be complete without it. Happy days to all who gather here! I’ve have enjoyed reading all of your words for some time now, and I decided that the present time was the right time to jump in and say hello, share the secret of my heart with you, as I see all of you sharing.
well, dear jack, it is ALWAYS something of a big fat package, all tied up with a bow, when a new someone pulls up a chair and starts telling a story. this is a lovely one. a spidey one. thank you so for sharing it, for making us know that out there somewhere and everywhere there are all SORTS of stories that make each tree more beautiful than anyone else could ever imagine. merry spidey to you, and thanks for letting us all know you are here. blessings….
I have a collection of snowmen that I set out every year. This year, a visitor pointed to a handpainted one and said, “How cute, did one of your kids paint it?” I looked on the back and owned up to my horror, that t’was I who painted it, not so very long ago while in my 40s–not the little hands of a cute child==instead the clumsy hands of me!I love the Spidey story. I have saved the gift tags with string that were signed by my grandmother and my mother, both now deceased, and I hang those each year on the tree–love opening the box of ornanents and seeing them at the bottom.P.S, I have some godawful bows too–same plaid ribbon.
ohhhhhhh carol, i love that you saved–and HANG–the gift tags in the handwriting of your mama and grandmama…..that is so lovely. it gave me the tingles as i read it. a dear dear friend of mine started hanging all of her little girl’s shoes on the tree, each year more shoes as the little girl kept growing. now the little girl is nearly 5’10” and wears a size 9, i think. the tree is packed with nothing but a little girl’s shoes…….but i love the simplicity of the gift tags best of all….isn’t it just something to open up those boxes where everything is stashed and to feel the flood of history come pouring out, as it does year after year after year???
Bam, when I got to the phrase, 319 months, I laughed until the tears were pouring. I merely have to think of those bows and it will crack me up, no matter where, no matter when.I’m afraid I’m a very poor crafter and a worse respecter of traditions. In 13 years of marriage we have never spent two sequential Christmases in the same place. Hard to establish rock-solid holiday routines that way. The handy thing is, when life turns sort of funky for you, like, say, your husband darts off with one day’s notice to Israel to give his sister some of his own strong cells to help her fight a nasty leukemia, and he’s gone the week of Christmas–well, the good thing is, there’s no traditions to mess up or fail to follow. And we really, really have no traditions with the tree. Sure, we have some cute ornaments, some that conjure pleasant recollections. I even hung up this very night a pine cone rolled in glue and then glitter, tied with a piece of orange yarn (orange? come on, kid, I mean, whichever one of you made that thing). I have many more, however, that I have no idea where they came from or why they are in my ornament box.I must confess that could be because I come from a family whose chief object of worship at Christmastime was The Tree. We were fanatical, I mean extremists, the types who scared outsiders–from the family power-jockeying and strong-arming that was the tree-choosing, to the deliberate method of light-stringing (the cords must never show, you mustn’t simply wind the strings around and around the tree like a straitjacket but let them traipse naturally, casually, intricately up and down each branch, and the lights must go all the way INside to the trunk to give the proper glow), to the final step, the maniacal devotion to the rules of proper decorating decorum (I’m sure you all know the small ornaments must go on top, the large ones at bottom, and the doves must be affixed last, all pointing in the same direction, evenly spaced and flying in a symphony of symmetry). I’m sure I’m the only one who’s turned out this way, living in a state of near total tree apathy. My siblings are still carrying on their rigid devotions (now they scare me). Today I let my son pick out the kind of tree I think is ugly, simply because he somehow talked his sister into agreeing and boy, was I cold. I decorated with a 9 and a 5 year old who don’t Know All The Rules (on account of rarely decorating their own tree) plus a three year old who was quite opinionated (and I must point out totally wrong) about where she was putting her ornaments. I held them up to reach higher, I gave a few cautious pointers, I supplied hooks, I encouraged, I watched. When backs were turned I moved an ornament. (Or two.) And you know what? It looks darling, beautiful.But sad to say there is not one ornament on this tree that matches the awesomeness of Spidey, or old gift tags with my grandfather’s wonderful “Keep the Faith” or my mother’s wonderful “Love you madly” characteristic lines. So there is a cost in not observing history and tradition, but, like a recovering crack addict, I just don’t think I can ever go back. And I’m tellin you what, bam, I’da thrown out those bows ye-e-e-ears ago–but then I’d have nothing to make me laugh until I cried.