two
by bam
it’s a pair now. a twinned set. there was one. and now, two.
for two swift years this little black place, with the alphabet in white, it’s been a nook, a cranny, a cove of my heart.
some days it’s the place where i curl up in a ball, but keep typing anyway. some days it’s where i let rip my ball of kite string, and hope to lick the clouds.
two years. day upon day, week upon week, laced together by the ebb and flow of seasons, tumbling leaves, cresting moon, the stars, the birds, the growing child.
life passes, i reach out and grab it by the fistfuls, put it down in words. take snapshots. suddenly, there are volumes, I and II. not bound. not tucked on a shelf. but here to read and read again. to remember.
that’s the point, after all.
to hold up each and every day, each moment, as if the holy blessed communion host on the altar, in the church, when the priest in all his robes takes a simple chunk of bread, of wafer, and with a sweep of arms and silken vestment, raises it up, holds it still, so we the people in the pews can behold it, drink in what it means.
so it is with life. and days. and hours. and incidental moments.
we hold them up in words, in snapshots, so we can gaze and think and study. so we can understand what might not be so evident the first time by.
it is why writers write. we write to think, to feel, to absorb, make real.
and so, two decembers ago, a chilly day, like this one, a bright one, too, i set out to start scratching in the sand. i had an inkling. i was breathing life into each and every syllable the way a kindling log needs bellows to turn to flame.
over time, and with each passing paragraph and page, i found, in part, what i was groping toward: a voice, a whisper, a deep still sense that there are those of us who hear and feel and partake of the same soft stirrings.
we don’t much believe in noise, not for the sake of sound alone. we prefer to stitch our hours and our hearts and our homes with knots of grace. and beauty, too. defined not by magazines, but by eternal spirit. what was and always will be a light divine.
it’s what i look for every day. it’s what i hope to harvest, bring home in little bundles and bushel baskets, maybe.
to each of you who has joined me here, who has pulled up a chair, even only once in a long while, i thank you.
it’s been a lonely year, a long year, in some everlasting ways. but whenever i tiptoe back to the table, and find you’ve been here, left a word, a story, or a simple nod, well, i am filled more than you will ever know.
it is a fine thing in this world to know there is always a safe place to come home to, a gentle place, a place where love surely reigns.
bless you, so very much, for making this humble table so deeply alive. you’d almost think, some times, that it was real. and not just a figment of our computer screens.
16 comments:
slj
happy anniversay to a reflection and conversation that goes beyond all numbers. There have been many a times that I have gone back to a meandering whether it be bread on the water, the bench in the entry way, babs in a can, the man who fed the birds….. Each meandering is beautiful and wondrous, but the weaving of all these days together is truly spectacular.
May there always be a place for you to write towards a place of curiosity, delight, and authenticity.
May the fruits of insight continue to reveal themselves to you and to us.
Friday, December 12, 2008 – 01:13 PM
bam
bless YOU slj for always always bringing such fine fruits and morsels to this place where we sip and sup sumptuously……time and again, you bring marvels that make me come back and read and read again….
Friday, December 12, 2008 – 01:42 PM
hh
I love pulling up a chair to your table, dear bam, and feasting on the wise words you dish up. Your words have made me laugh out loud, smile, cry, pray, ponder, wonder. As you celebrate this anniversary moment, I want to thank you for bringing such beauty and wisdom to cyberspace.
Friday, December 12, 2008 – 04:04 PM
Carol
Count me in for a Thank You for writing, and continuing to write–and photograph! It is a respite from headlines, each worse than the last, knocking one another off the front pages and screens.
XOXOX
Friday, December 12, 2008 – 06:35 PM
pjv
Thank you, dearest wonderful bam, for a haven, a warm and cheery spot to sit a spell and rest our weary souls. The stories and the comments left here have inspired me, and often moved me to tears. The writing is rich and satisfying … each word sumptuous in every way. Who else but you, dear bam, could write about something as mundane as paint on the walls and leave us wanting more.
Thank you for sharing this magnficent gift with us. Much love as always.
Friday, December 12, 2008 – 08:31 PM
EMB
Barbara Ann Mahany– Happy Anniversary !!!!!! You amazing wordsmith you !
As long as you write, I will read.
love the Birthday Apple, so ………………y-o-u.
yahoooooo to you.
Friday, December 12, 2008 – 09:29 PM
bam
bless you, each and every one……as we sit and watch the wax drip down that apple…as i said before, i cannot imagine this table without the magnificence and heart and soul and flat-out wit each of you brings every time you scootch in your chair. mm mm mmmmm…..
Sunday, December 14, 2008 – 10:22 PM
Michael
Thank you Barbie for your largess. PUAC comes straight from your heart of compassion, insight, and joie de vivre. And your genius always finds the words. How I love to witness your gift in action! I remember the love letters on legal pads, written to our family, from long ago. The same genius. Whooosh, there she goes. But it isn’t the “look at me” thing–it’s always an invitation– for the reader to enter in, jump in, or just sit and marvel at the idea of it. Thank you, sweetheart! PUAC is a favorite haunt of mine. A life affirming place. God bless you, as Dad used to say, you get me “right in the pencils”. Love.
Monday, December 15, 2008 – 09:16 AM
bam
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i somehow amazingly astonishingly forgot that line. it just brought tears to my eyes. i could hear it soon as i read it just there. you are such a repository for all dad’s best…….my boys are always asking me, especially the little one, for grampa geno lines and jokes and stories. next time you’re here we shall clear the decks and let you rip from the bottom of your heart with all your geno bits and swatches. love you much mem, so much…….
Monday, December 15, 2008 – 02:42 PM
true
in being still their is much richness, in reading your thoughts and ways, in meeting you in the flesh, absorbing the love you glow through, all these things that make up a wonderful remarkable soul who just happens to be the kind of writer that sits you down, pulls you up by gently lifting the weight off the world, here we float again for another year? happy anniversary…i got you on my mind, and in my heart to stay.
i have been so still, finding solace in each easier day, long time no visit- and then i come to the table and find as always, such beauty, such nourishment.
may the snows fall softly upon your window, may the wind howl away each sorrow leaving you peace this holiday season, may your silences speak to you in a voice that spins tales of soft uniqueness, as you weave the magic that comforts all who come to the table.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 – 08:05 AM
lamcal
Two for you and one.five or so for me as I pulled up a chair a bit later. I am just downright thankful……and not just the inspiration, solace, and peace you provide Bam, but also for the word weavers and crafters that pull up on any given day. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating this community of chair people. Happy new year……
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 – 05:18 PM
Anonymous
It seems many of the comments are from those who are close to you. I want you to know this “place” has touched my life deeply. While I am a a”virtual” stranger =) I have had the people at this table pray for me during a very dark time in my life when I was going thru something that I really couldn’t share with those close to me.
Thank you for creating such a grace-filled space in a world that is in desperate need of grace and light. Wishing you peace and love this Christmas.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008 – 07:33 AM
bam
dear anon, it is particularly touching–especially of late as i wonder where oh where i will find a place that appreciates the words that flow from my heart–to think that there is a someone out there who has found this place and even though i don’t know it, you find it a place of solace and strength and peacefulness.
to true and lamcal and slj and hh and all the rest, you know i love you madly and wouldn’t be here if not for you and what you bring every blessed time…..
Wednesday, December 17, 2008 – 06:39 PM
sosser
happy two to you, dear b! and thank you thank you for all have brought to the table.
Friday, December 19, 2008 – 09:45 AM
jcv
My how time flies. Thank you bam for marking it for us! It means the world. And what a crowd of friends, and stranger-friends (anon, this is the beauty of this kind of table, that though we do not always know one another this is always a friendly and always a welcoming place).
Bam, EMB said it best: you write it, we’ll read it. Thanks for inviting us to your table.
Sunday, December 21, 2008 – 01:01 AM
bam
dear darling, as always, you are up toooooo late, and the little numbers prove it. from the start, my friend, you have been the loyalest of deep true friends. there are so many days i might have fallen off the table if not for you. bless YOU for your unfading presence. it means the world. xoxoxoxo
and soss, my inspiration in so many many ways (please go check out her bricolagelife.com, people…..), thank you for stopping by. you taught me much about simple riches. and how to quilt a world of quiet. xoxoxo
Sunday, December 21, 2008 – 12:03 PM