p.s. the wholly unsurprising what-came-next (or, can’t quash a mama’s urge to tuck her chicks beneath her wings. certainly not when one is burning up with fever…)
by bam


in which we recount the inevitable rescue mission to pluck sick kid from college dorm, and tuck him home where he belongs….
in last week’s episode, we had a sick sophomore in college who’d been quarantined in an old comfort inn somewhere in the vast ohio countryside, a kid who’d been saved from despair and starvation by the glorious graces of one saint melissa, the college catering director who leapt full throttle into the ministrations of a mama hen intent on plying her charge with saltines and gingerale, chicken zoup and instant rice cups, to highlight but a bit of her extraordinary and voluminous six-bag grocery list.
the tale of woe and mono continues…
round about sunday morning, when the fever teetered still at the almost-104 yard-line, when the great ER-doc friend here in chicago endorsed rescue, when the father of said sick kid was jangling the car keys and lacing up his shoes, it was decided that we were pointing the old red wagon straight toward gambier, ohio, and bringing home our ailing one.
which, of course, is where he belonged. six days of round-the-clock FaceTiming — the digital tether now afforded us in this age of iPhone — is at least five days too long. and as much as we didn’t want to interrupt this already surreal semester, perhaps the only one on campus for the sophomores and freshmen this COVID year, we couldn’t bear the thought of him all alone all through the long and fevered nights, unable to shuffle to the fridge for so much as another water bottle.
halfway to ohio, our beloved long-time pediatrician (officially no longer on the case, but again, one of those angels you don’t let go of) dialed in, and ticked off names of ERs he’d trust along our long drive home, should we need to pull over and check in at any one of them. it was, in fact, that scary.

in one of the dozens of text messages i was pinging to our sweet boy, one in which i wrote how sorry i was for having to scoop him up from college, he wrote back, “I cant wait to come home” and then: “It is a prayer answered”
“You just made me cry” i typed through tears, and added: “Daddy says cavalry is coming”
and i tell you, the minute that sweet sick boy was strapped in the station-wagon seat behind us, nestled against his pillow, within arm’s reach, nothing but two surgical masks between us, my heart slowed to a life-sustaining saunter.

the holiest part of the night — the part i will never forget — was speeding through the countryside, as the sun dropped low and the stars turned on, and the holiest of jewish holy days, yom kippur, the day of atonement, commenced. in all my husband’s six-plus decades he has never been behind the wheel on yom kippur, a day of reverent prayer and fasting. but ferrying a sick kid to safety suspends the rules — at least the rule about not driving, and so we drove unfettered. and because it’s the year of COVID and all is already upside down, and because we live in the iPhone age and you can dial in from wherever you are, i zoomed into our synagogue’s Kol Nidre service, and the minor-key chords of the cello filled the wagon — and my soul — as the highway rose and dipped, and the field of stars felt so close i might have rolled down the window and grabbed one. i can’t remember feeling so wrapped in heaven’s prayer shawl.
monday morning, as i tiptoed past my sweet boy’s bedroom door, a room all but untouched since summer’s end, a room that’s echoed silence all these weeks, i heard the stuffed-up gurgle of his breathing, and declared it the most soothing sound i could imagine. it’s hard-wiring, i suppose: a mama is best suited to hear in real time her child’s strains, especially when they’re the ones of any sort of struggle. long-distance, sometimes, feels impossible, and wholly against our mama grain.
before the morning ended, we’d checked in to our local emergency room, where they plied the kid with more IVs and megadoses of tylenol. once again, COVID negative, thank god. it’s mono, off the charts.
so here we are, at the end of week two, with another trip to the doctor this morning, and no end in sight (though i know the cure will come, a knowing i do not take for granted).
all i truly know is that i can’t imagine not being the one to be sliding batches of bread pudding in the oven, the sweet scent of cinnamon and eggs and milk — the original nursery-maid’s confection and cure-all — trailing up the stairs and round the bend. nor being the one who’s keeping track of when he’s swallowing which of the five prescriptions now lined up like amber-bottled soldiers on the kitchen counter. nor the one who’s but a few feet away, peeking at his laptop, as he delights in the latest episode of “the british baking show” (his sure-to-soothe show of choice) during the rare few hours when he’s not sound asleep.
there are numbered truths in life, and one of them is that sick, sick kids belong by their mama’s side. or maybe i’ve got that backwards. maybe it’s that mamas belong by the side of their sick, sick kids.
it’s inevitable. it’s imperative. and it’s most certainly a blessing.
just a simple tale, today, of what happened next. and a short consideration of the blessings of proximity when those we love are in some degree of distress. what makes you feel soothed when you are ailing, body or soul?
Completely overwhelmed reading this, in emotion overload. Thanks be T is home. Bless his parents, and may he heal very soon. ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, beautiful…
I teared up too at T’s “it’s a prayer answered” and at your description of the calvary coming and rescuing the poor guy and at “holiest part of the night — the part i will never forget — was speeding through the countryside, as the sun dropped low and the stars turned on, and the holiest of jewish holy days, yom kippur, the day of atonement, commenced. in all my husband’s six-plus decades he has never been behind the wheel on yom kippur, a day of reverent prayer and fasting.” I imagine there was a lot of reverent prayer and fasting going on in your car. Prayers coming still…
Thank you, beautiful. I teared up there too. Thank you for prayers. All will be well, I know it. Xox
I can barely see through the tears and had to rewrite because I was misspelling through them!
I had mono as a sophomore in Schroeder and felt sick as a dog – and obviously no where near as ill as your son – just one trip to “Our Lady of” Mount Sinai hospital as a friend called it, the nearest hospital to our dorm.
Because you write so beautifully, I was right in the car with you speeding through the dark – and that touches every parent’s core – hence the tears!
I am so thrilled to know all three of you are together to weather this mono storm, and hope that he can continue class virtually – an ironic gift from this year of years. I am sure you are still verklempt and hope the kvelling is not far behind!
Big prayers for all!
And, when the dust settles, could you publish your bread pudding recipe here?
Thanks
MDP
ah, dear MDP, bless you much, and before i forget, here’s the bread pudding recipe i call Elixir Pudding, and which is tucked into the pages of Motherprayer, and — lo and behold! — it’s in the new one too, Stillness of Winter.
here tis:
elixir pudding,with a little help from mark bittman
3 cups milk
4 Tbsp. unsalted butter, plus some for greasing the pan
11/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 cup sugar, plus 1 Tbsp.
pinch salt
best old bread you can find. (mr. bittman calls for 8 slices, i went with the remains of a hollowed-out challah)
3 eggs
1 apple grated
fistfuls of raisins, or cranberries, your choice in the dried fruits dept.
1. preheat oven to 350 degrees. over low heat in a saucepan, warm milk, butter, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 cup sugar, and salt, just until butter melts. meanwhile butter 1-1/2 quart baking dish, or 8-inch square pan. cut and tear bread into bite-size bits.
1. place bread in baking dish. pour hot buttery milk over it. sigh as you pour. let milk sit for a bit, occasionally dunking any recalcitrant bits not willing to tread milk. beat the eggs, and stir into bread mixture. add 1 cup grated, drained apple. and raisins. mix remaining cinnamon and sugar, and sprinkle over the top. set the baking dish into a larger baking pan, and pour hot water, into within an inch of the top of the dish.
2. bake 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until thin-bladed knife comes clean from the center; center should be just a bit wobbly. run under the broiler for about 30 seconds to get that yummy golden brown crust. serve warm or cold. with whipped cream. keeps well for 2 days. but i don’t think it’ll stick around even half that long.
I just posted a long note that disappeared, and I could just cry…. Trying again to see if this goes through. Nutshell message: there is no more beautiful way to suspend the rules of a holy day than by rescuing a sick child, and thank you, dear soul, for showing us what love looks like. My prayers are with you…. xx
oh, honey, i am so sorry for the wordpress comments gremlins who seem to delight in stealing the most beautifully and laboriously stitched comments. grrrrr. my heart hurts for you! i love your nutshell. and yes, indeed, our beloved pediatrician, whose papa was a rabbi, passed along that rabbinic instruction that all rules are superseded by the urgencies of health, and so our beloved driver not only knew of the dispensation but was able to shed any shred of guilt over driving through the holy night.
you’ve been right here in my apron pocket all week long. bless you, and thank you. xoxoxox
Ohhhhhhhhh … when I heard from a certain one that used to reside in my zip code that your young one was ailing with mono, I remembered back, so many years ago when I was a junior in high school. A rash of mono was sweeping through the school and, as luck would have it, landed squarely on me. I remember how awful it was, missing over a month of school. The ONLY thing that gave me comfort was my mama stroking my forehead, singing and praying over me. She made me soft-boiled eggs, pudding and mashed potatoes – the only things I could actually swallow. Reading back to the previous post, I can’t imagine your anguish knowing that he was suffering so far away.
Does God use people to minister long-distance when you’re too far away? YES, He does. I’m reminded of the scripture in Isaiah 59 that comforts us in knowing that “… the arm of the LORD is not too short to save …”. He certainly sent an angel in the form of Melissa to minister to T. AND you. Prayers of healing going up on his behalf, my dear bam … from one nesty girl to another, much love.
pjv
i LOVE that line, which i’d never heard before. i love picturing God’s long arm, in the form of dear melissa’s healing hands as she plucked the groceries from the shelf, and lugged those six grocery bags back to the front desk of the Comfort Inn….
your word picture of your mama is so clear, i can feel the stroke of her fingers on my own forehead, i can hear what must have been a most magnificent song, and i can taste the soft-boiled egg easily gliding down my throat. your mama, indeed, is the very definition of Holy Mother Among Us… (and you, dear heart, didn’t fall one inch away from that tree…)
i miss you, and i am sending so much love to your high desert. xoxox
Ohhhhhhhhh … when I heard from a certain one that used to reside in my zip code that your young one was ailing with mono, I remembered back, so many years ago when I was a junior in high school. A rash of mono was sweeping through the school and, as luck would have it, landed squarely on me. I remember how awful it was, missing over a month of school. The ONLY thing that gave me comfort was my mama stroking my forehead, singing and praying over me. She made me soft-boiled eggs, pudding and mashed potatoes – the only things I could actually swallow. Reading back to the previous post, I can’t imagine your anguish knowing that he was suffering so far away.
Does God use people to minister long-distance when you’re too far away? YES, He does. I’m reminded of the scripture in Isaiah 59 that comforts us in knowing that “… the arm of the LORD is not too short to save …”. He certainly sent an angel in the form of Melissa to minister to T. and YOU. Prayers of healing going up on his behalf, my dear bam … from one nesty girl to another, much love.
pjv
There is nothing better than the loving ways of parents during a child’s illness. I pray that T will soon recover. This can be a future article in a new book.
Katherine F.
❤ ❤ ❤
bless you, dear katherine. xoxox
I am so worry that the saga of mono has dragged on so long! But drag on it will. There’s nothing quick about that virus. I’m very happy, though, that T is at home with you! Recovery will be sweeter with familiar remedies and surroundings. Sending paraders and good thoughts to all ,
thank you, dear dear JACK! and since the doctor just ordered more time at home, specifically for TLC purposes, i am going with the program with nary a protest.
While I read your story, I couldn’t help thinking… how much more God loves each of us, his/her beloved children. It is overwhelming to consider.
beautiful, beautiful thought. i am relishing it….xoxo
Oh, my dear! What a saga.
I can lovingly hear our God singing Sr Kathy Sherman’s song to you: “I am with you on the journey and I will never leave you. I am with you on the journey, always with you.”
all will be well, is my mantra, and i know it to be true. bless your singing heart, and the ears that hear in song….<3!
oh bam!!! SOOOO happy to read that your beautiful boy is nestled in his bed at home and hoping & praying that he feels better very very soon. i relished the story of the lovely head of catering at our special school on the hill coming to his rescue at the local motel and of you and your beloved listening to the kol nidre in the station wagon en route home!!! love & hugs to you all!! XOXO
oh, dear gracious, hello gorgeous!! what a total thrill to find you here at “the table.” sigh, oh sigh. indeed, we now have the splendid college on the hill in common. oh, i love that place. love then all the more because they have been SOOOOOO extraordinarily good to T, whether it’s our beloved melissa of the grocery brigade, or the nurse practitioner who texted and called all weekend and on through this week, or the dean and professors who keep checking in and keep reassuring that all will be well. i am sending a giant giant hug, xoxoxoxo love, bam
just leaving this here, because i just found this, and belongs at the table. thank you, Judy Chicago…
A Prayer for our Nation
And then all that has divided us will merge
And then compassion will be wedded to power
And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind
And then both men and women will be gentle
And then both women and men will be strong
And then no person will be subject to another’s will
And then all will be rich and free and varied
And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of many
And then all will share equally in the Earth’s abundance
And then all will care for the sick and the weak and the old
And then all will nourish the young
And then all will cherish life’s creatures
And then all will live in harmony with each other and the Earth
And then everywhere will be called Eden once again.
+ Judy Chicago