breath, suspended…
by bam
i prayed so hard these would be the words i got to write, and so i begin with this, the thank you prayer…
the call came just as i was sitting and reading a story i wrote long ago, a story about my mama’s breast cancer. funny, the tricks the universe plays. i thought little of it when the old phone announced on its screen that “northwestern mem” (the hospital) was calling. i’d had a 3-D mammogram the day before and i figured they were calling to give me the official “all’s clear.”
i was wrong.
it must have been mid-sentence in a sentence that suddenly seemed to be taking far too long to get to the point that i realized this might not be the call i’d wanted. i’m pretty sure i felt my heart slow with a thump. the nice lady — they are always nice on these calls — was telling me something about asymmetries, telling me not one but two spots on both sides looked suspicious. (she might have used a more innocuous word than “suspicious,” but once in the call-back landscape, a girl hears what she hears, and i heard trouble).
that’s when the breath-holding began. call backs in the middle of a long hot summer are not for the faint of heart. i’m pretty quick at sizing up danger, and i sized up this one, all right. first words that leapt from synapse to synapse were these: “oh no, too soon. the boys still need me.” for one, there are two years of law school still to go, and i’ve got my seat at graduation on mental reserve. i intend to be right there, and not wafting as some long-gone memory of a mom-turned-casper-the-friendly-ghost. and for two, the so-called little one still has a year left of high school, and right now he’s in the middle of tryouts for varsity soccer, and i was not about to let a single hiccup get in the way of that already-breath-holding adventure in steep climbs. so i sealed my lips and said not a word. (i only whispered to one or two girlfriends, and of course to that blessed fellow who hears most but not all of the daily headlines from my self-published worry gazette.)
long story short: not a minute went by during those long seven days when i wasn’t weighing the odds, hedging my bets, begging the heavens that this whole thing turned into yet another close call.
the hospital that wanted the second look could not fit me in for a week. my doctor insisted i go straight to second-look central, and not dilly around with one of the satellite operations where maybe, just maybe, the scrutinizing wouldn’t be up to her very high standards. of course, that scared me. i was scared, too, because more often than not i’ve sailed through these annual exercises in getting squished in the chest. i’ve had a call-back or two in the past, but it’s been awhile and nowadays the machines they use are so super-duper and soooooo very fine at peeking into every nook and cranny, i figured that if the darn newfangled machine saw something fishy it was a fish meant to be seen.
the weekend was long. so were monday and tuesday.
at long last, on the day that happened to be my second-born’s 17th birthday, and the first full day of his long-awaited, much-fretted soccer tryouts, i had to dart out in the middle of the day for my unexplained five-hour absence. five hours?!?!, you say. yup. that’s how long the darn poking and peeking around ended up going. they’d called me in for so many rounds of pictures, with varying degrees of specificity and technicians muttering, scrutinizing, apologizing, and then trying hard to hold a poker face, that by four in the afternoon when they sent me from pictures to ultrasound, i figured i was cooked. i’d started imagining how i would look with no hair and no eyebrows, how in the world i would break the news to my beautiful boys. i waste no time in the shallow end of the pool, when i can go straight to the deep end. and deep end was me.
i’d seen six rounds of technicians, and a phalanx of high-vision docs before anyone finally muttered the holiest word i’d heard in a very long while. “we’re not seeing anything worrisome,” said the very very nice doctor in charge, letting loose a week’s worth of stored-up breaths from my lungs. and suddenly, after brushing away the tear or two that couldn’t keep from falling, my whole world turned colored again.
but before the colors washed back in, before i could hope in my head for an extraordinary ordinary weekend, i’d tasted the magic — the most blessed blessing — of savoring even the smallest dab of everyday sacred: the gathering with friends over the weekend, the first sip of prosecco, the sound of the birds through the kitchen window, the sound of my firstborn’s voice on the other end of the long-distance line. not a single frame of being alive was passing by me unnoticed. or un-savored.
there’s a sharp edge to living that comes when you’re scared, when you’re thrust unaware into counting the hours, into marking off life in short-term brackets.
it’s a variation on electro-shock therapy (the sort to the soul, not to the brain): you’re jolted awake and at highest attention when flat-out fear comes to roost. i know it’s not altogether healthy, and not the wisest way to fritter away the days. but i make the most of it. i consider it a trial run, a crash course in counting every last decimal of all of my blessings. i use the siege to sift through my life, to weigh the ways i spend my hours. to crank the dial a notch, and make each moment count in duplicate, even triplicate.
and then, when the whistle blows, when the lifeguards tell me the long wait is over and i can breathe once again, i make more than a mental note. i drop to my knees and promise aloud i’ll not take this — not any of this — for granted. i stand at full-throttle attention, drinking in the ones i love with all of my heart, savoring the dew of the dawn, and the stitches of stars in the dome of the night.
the world is bristling with color this morning. and i am blessing each drop.
thank you, dear God, for this day and this hour. i’ll not waste it, i promise…
what keeps you from wasting a day?
Thrilled that you’ve escaped that dreaded monster and can breathe!
me too, darlin! i will never forget the fear etched on each face in that very small and very quiet waiting room. we didn’t utter a word, any of us. i don’t think many of us were breathing…..
Oh Barbara.
Truth be told, I don’t always get to read your posts these days – I’m in a whirl of good busy – but I’m SO very glad I was able to read this one.
Thing is, I was, quite literally holding my breath until the 10th Graf – and that’s a LONG breath holding! – You took us with you so magnificently. I am SO incredibly Relieved to hear that there is nothing worrisome and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. But as you so eloquently put it, this electro-shock therapy for the soul provided yet another reminder of the everyday sacredness of a phone call with a positive outcome.
Breath released.
Hug extended.
Thank you for this relieving news.
xo E
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so happy you are whirling good busy! i am so sorry i made you hold your breath, i thought i tipped my hat at the start and let the suspense out of the balloon before lungs got to bursting. i forgot to mention that as i walked in the door at the end of that very long afternoon, there was a call waiting from the trainer at the high school, telling me my sweet boy had been hit hard to the face/head and was carried off the field. they’d decided he was without concussion but were holding him out of tryouts for the day anyway. i swore my knees nearly buckled. and all of that was his 17th birthday. it’s as if the heavens were compounding the point that not a single moment is to be taken for granted. point, taken! xoxox
whirl on, beautiful EBB!
Sweetheart. I’ve done that breath holding thing. I’m glad you didn’t have to wait too long for the not worrisome words. The breath holding moments are the ones that keep us all from wasting a day. xoxoxo
i know you have, sweetheart. and yes, the breath-holding moments do serve their holy purpose…..
all week i wrapped my arms around every beautiful woman i knew who has walked that terrible road. some of the women i love the most dearly. i held you all with all my heart, and leaned into you for gallons of courage. xoxoxox
Oh good gracious grace and thankfulness…my heart and soul were clenched until the last bits here and I just realized I was not breathing much either. “Smooth seas do not make a good sailor.”, but geez. Your hard earned reminder will be a reminder for those of us who gather around the table and just sending so much love and hugs as you regain equilibrium after all those rough waves.
Some of those who gather here know one of my children has struggled mightily for years with all kinds of challenges. He is working on “sailing” with more thoughtfulness and awareness. He sent me a prayer he wrote this week (cute emojis included):
“I give my power, glory, and honor up to you. I know it is you whom ordained me on this journey. Through the pain is how I will carve my soul, and be Chiseled out of stone. I know that I am never alone. This will not always be easy. May I walk in peace, and run with grace.” ✨💯🙌
Taking it one day at time and keeping it real. May the waning days of summer bring you peace and lovely time with those you love Bam and so glad you could write this post rather than another. xxoo
Sent from my iPad
oh, sweet angel! love the prayer from your sailor boy. “chiseled out of stone” particularly resonates. some times we take such severe chiseling. that must be when God bumps into the really tough parts of our souls, the ones that might need extra strong jolts of attention.
i feel the love in your words, you beautiful through-and-through nurse of a friend. may you too always always be wrapped in the purest of love. xoxoxo
Prayers of gratitude abounding today! My prayer for your sailor boy is that he will always “walk in peace and run with grace.” xoxoxo
“May I walk in peace, and run with grace.” As beautiful a prayer as I’ve ever heard. Peace be upon him, Joanie. And you. xoxo
amen to that, right…..xoxox
I rejoice with you in this best of all possible news, sweet friend, and I breathe with you, too, deep breaths of relief and gratitude. May your ears be filled with music, your eyes with beauty, your arms with those you love, your heart with joy. It’s going to be a good day. Blessings~ xxx
deep breaths of relief, indeed! and a heart filled with joy. amen, and hallelujah. xoxoxoxo
Am uttering a prayer of thx for your good news. Enjoy the garden more today, the birds’ song and give that 17yr. old sweetie a huge hug!
thanks, sweet angel. xoxoxoxoxoxo he’s due home any minute, and for him the breath holding continues. xoxoxo
Dear bam, so, so glad everything is okay. I know the fear. A basic mammogram in February showed something on the right side, so I went back for an ultrasound. Because I have dense tissue and read up on these things, I thought, this is good, NorthShore is at the leading edge on this stuff AND my insurance will pay. Results were “Category 4: suspicious abnormality, biopsy should be considered.” HUH? I emailed my doc, and she said “suspicious” was a diagnostic ranking. I did a quick search on NIH and Mayo sites. Is this a scale of 1 to 10? No. Category 5 is the Big C. I had agitated thoughts about the fates of my “family” of assorted egg-born critters and the messy state of my personal affairs. And how this was letting down my parents, who gave me the gift of life. I scheduled the biopsy–my second, by the way. By this time, my doctor emailed me saying she was sorry I had to go through this. Uh-oh. But then I got really matter-of-fact about it. I’ve made lifestyle choices that could result in breast cancer. Family members, an aunt and two of my mom’s cousins, had it. I shrugged and thought, nothing I can do until I see the results. I went to work, I told few people. I had the biopsy, which surprisingly knocked this tough girl on her butt for the rest of the day. Got a clip inserted–the second one for areas to watch. But so far, nothing truly “suspicious.” The learning moment was not long-lasting as I plunged back into perpetual motion mode. But your meandering today was another wake-up call, a gentler one, to appreciate, and maybe even enjoy, whatever number of years I still have. Thank you, bam.
oh, dear karen, there are soo many, too many, variations on this heart-wrenching theme. and we both know those whose journeys have carried them through its darkest and hardest chapters. i am so sorry you suffered all this. and i, in turn, read your reminder of how swiftly we get sucked back into “perpetual motion mode.” oh, that we may remember and remember to be ever caught by wonder, to savor even the hardest of hours. in sisterhood. xoxoxoxo
Speechless. Thanking God you had a good result. Like Karen above in the comments, been through the biopsy thing x 2, and also have a titanium locating staple in the right breast. Praying T’s head is recovering from the blow. Really, am just so gobsmacked by this blog that … well … just so very glad you are all right, and T, too. If I were a drinker, I’d go home and have a stiff one. xoxo
i could use one of those right now. the stiff one, that is. i am so so sorry you have been through this. and live with a titanium staple, you bionic woman, you. through the whole long wait — from first phone call to finally the words “nothing worrisome” — i was knocked over thinking of allllllll the women who wait breathlessly, and move forward with shaking knees and buckets of courage……
sending love.
And… Dear Jesus, I just read the story you wrote about your mom. The pea bags on her head… So ahead of her time. Now they have special cryro caps… She could have made a million. Oddly enough, that’s what made me cry, her with frozen bags of peas on her head, trying to save her hair. Such a story, bam. You’ve made me speechless twice today. Love you.
Oh, and you two in the cemetery. I’ve read that previously, but it destroys me each time.
oh, sweetheart. that was just the uncanniest thing, that i happened to be reading that story that had always been so impossible to find in the tribune’s digital library. my third cousin and genealogy wizard paddy shannon had written me that morning and mentioned something about tribune stories he’d found, and i told him i wanted to find something i might have written about my family. so i’d found it, had just sent to willie and teddy for reading some day (teddy has never seen the story of course; willie i realized had a role in that chapter that i want him always to remember) and that was right when the phone from northwestern rang. i wasn’t even going to include the link this morning….bless you for taking the time to read it…..i think that was long before the miracle of meeting you. xoxoxoxo
[…] via breath, suspended… […]
I held my breath with you as if I was in the room that day as I read this, while I kept telling myself she wouldn’t be writing this if the news had been bad!! I can’t tell you how relieved and grateful I was when I got to the end! Thank you for sharing such a difficult story with your usual elegance!! I am honored to be at the table today!!!
oh, bless you, you are soooooo kind. i put that little italicized line up at the top because i didn’t want anyone else to start the story without knowing it got relief at the end. i am so sorry i made you hold your breath too. but thank you for your beautiful empathy. this table is just the very best, xoxoxox
dear bam, i fall to my knees, speechless that I can so easily say those fears are on a distant shore and then the worry, fear and the future coming way too quickly comes along my shore or on a loved one’s shore. May you breath, may we all breath and find gratitude right beneath our knees and may we stand again in compassion. sending love and courage from the shores of lake superior
beautiful slj, “stand again in compassion….” that’s what these moments bring, don’t they? i suppose that’s what i’ve been breathing over and over. we slip-slide into the shadows of terrors we know friends we love have lived. i cannot tell you how much your presence here — this moment, and all the moments before — means to me. all of you, our beloved chairs. and you, dear slj, from your superior shore. xxoxoxoxoxoxox
Beautiful, BAM. And, thank God for your health. Love you.
Bless YOU, beautiful elaine. Sleep tight all…
Phew…breath expended….Oh Bam dear, Heaven would not dare, not yet….
You already fill your moments and ours with so many touches of grace that
the beloved journey of kinship must continue and prevail….we insist…. and
may it be forever long…. Love you.
oh, gentility (what a name!!!), bless you. your prayer is my prayer….”forever long, please…..” (not to be greedy or anything….)
hugs from chicago. xoxox
Oh dear God. I’m so incredibly grateful for your news. What a terrifically challenging waiting period. Whoosh. Cheers to you & the wonderful un-worrisome results!!
oh, bless your heart, beautiful liz!!!!!!!
So very glad that you are well, whole & healthy! What a long 7 days.
A few years ago my wonderful doctor found an abdominal lump that he didn’t like. He sent me for an ultrasound on a Sunday. That’s never a great sign! So grateful that it ended up to just be a minor ovarian cyst easily drained.
I think that sometimes G-D’s most miraculous blessings come through the hands, hearts & minds of dedicated doctors & nurses. Those who care, pay attention & react quickly with empathy & knowledge are such gifts in our lives.
amen to the blessings through dedicated folks in the healing world. and so glad your lump was easily diagnosed and taken care of…..