civility matters
by bam
i never write about politics here at the chair, and i’m not about to do so now. so let me begin by simply saying that the most hopeful bit of front-page news today was not “above the fold,” as we say in the newspaper biz. rather, it was down below, “below the fold,” in the story you see pictured above.
roger ailes is out at fox news. beneath and beyond that firing there are promises that the culture of that broadcast operation will be examined, and scrubbed. will all the screaming end? will the baseless accusations, the twistings of untruths screech to a halt? i can only hope. but maybe, maybe, it will all be toned down a decibel or five. maybe they’ll find a way to deliver a rightful perspective, a deeply-held position, without resorting to hate mongering and wholesale riddling of heart and soul and reputation.
forge on fox news: call a spade a spade, as you see it. deplore numbers, so long as they’re based on sound study, derived from solid research. express opinion. but, please, employ the art of listening. employ civility.
and stop screaming while you’re at it.
some 10 years ago, perusing the banana aisle in my nearby grocery store, i ran into one of the great newsmen of the day, the former managing editor of the chicago tribune, an ex-marine who wore his shirt sleeves cropped at the biceps, who was known to be more exuberant in his dealings after lunch than before, whose eye for injustice and smarmy dealings was unparalleled (especially when fixed on the dark side of chicago politics). he paused in his own perusal of banana bunches to bark words at me that have stayed with me ever since: “everybody’s talking these days, no one’s listening anymore.”
that’s old news by now, but back when he said it — not long after the explosion of the blogosphere, where anyone who could type could suddenly claim a chunk of cyber-real estate and blather on endlessly — it made me stop and notice. it made me re-up my commitment to the art of listening (back in nursing school, we devoted a whole semester to a course that boiled down to listening, the art thereof.) it made me insist that here at the chair we’d be civil, we’d be kind. and, yes, it made me vow to keep my eye trained on the hearts and souls that are the truth behind even the crustiest of bloviators.
what had always irked me most about fox news wasn’t the point of view, but the gloves-off approach that had one talking head shouting at another. that spewed invective as if cruel words alone would spike the almighty nielsen ratings. and then it wasn’t long till the other cable channels took notice, began to do the same. i can barely watch CNN anymore, for all the shouting, all the overdrive that drowns out half the words.
as cable news fueled the trough, so too did all the divisiveness creep into the u.s. capitol, and statehouses across the land. so too did it creep into online posts and chats, even on pages devoted to common cause or shared geography.
i know, because this isn’t my natural realm, that my words here are too facile, my thoughts not finely chiseled enough, but i’m willing to risk exposure to that criticism to say my heart is crushed — day after day, hour upon hour sometimes — by the rampant disintegration of civility. the swirling down the drain of the art of listening. the understanding that no one wins when we all walk away bruised and bleeding.
if there was one moment in the recent awful primary campaign that broke my heart the most it was the moment i now see played and replayed in one political commercial: the moment where the republican nominee is seen flapping his hands, mocking a reporter with a disability. and doing so in front of a jeering, cheering crowd. have we come to that? and if we have, how much lower can we go?
because i won’t give up on the belief that good outweighs awful, that love can regain ground, i woke up to hope this morning as i heard the news that not only was ailes — a man alleged to have demanded sexual favors in return for job promotion — out as chairman and chief executive, the sons of rupert murdoch (who imagined he’d ever be cast in the hero role?), now at the helm, would be examining the culture ailes had injected, infected into fox, and they’d launch a “wide-ranging overhaul.”
if fox can clean up its act, there’s hope. if just one iota of civility can trickle in, can regain ground…
i’ve been shell-shocked much of these recent weeks. inclined to hole away in my garden. to submit to the song of the wren rather than the bloviations and horrors of the news around me (though my newsier instincts inevitably lure me to the screens, to watch, to read, to try to grasp at least faint outlines). i keep my head down, steer clear of all the tussling and jabbing i find online. i’ve come to think i’m just plain allergic to incivilities.
so if roger ailes is out, it’s one for civility. and decency. and honor. and maybe, just maybe we can regain ground. those of us who fear that all around us toxins fill the air. those of us who will not surrender to incivility, and word by word hold our holy ground.
your thoughts? how do you retrench from incivility? and more essentially how do you sow goodness, kindness, love?
Agreed. All around. You brought to mind a story I recently heard on The Moth. A storytelling day devoted to high school students. Two lovely stories. Two lovely looks at the world through the wise eyes of teens. At the end oh her tale one young woman summed her the experiences she had shared as the beginning of learning to understand others rather than judge. A teen age girl. How wise. How civil.
“learning to understand others rather than judge….”
a prayer worth praying with all our hearts…..
Oh, bam, your words bring tears to my eyes. Yes, what have we become?? Please publish this to the world. We all need your civil reminder. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront. xo
dear elaine, bless you, and thank you. and now i sit and type with “manhunt in munich” playing in the background. this time a mcDonald’s shattered by gunfire. and a city in bavaria on lockdown…….
Amen
Andrea Lavin Solow
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amen, amen… to live our life as a prayer……
andrea solow- are you a friend of bam? If so my world just collided!
Reeling … I’ve been reeling. It is so hard to not react to incivility with more of the same … but I’m trying hard to think differently, respond differently, and remember two phrases when I get in a snit about something. A dear woman, now gone, from whom I learned so much, used to say, “Doesn’t matter,” or “Oh, so what!” I find that those two phrases get me through a lot of stupid.
it’s why i wind up staying away from social media for days on end. i literally get sick from all the vituperation. there is nothing i love so much as a calm and reasoned gentleness, one discerning enough to catch the fine points, and to admit to not knowing everything, and being open to seeing from a not-yet-considered angle.
i’ve learned so very much about the art of listening from the man i married; he can hold an opinion, and argue it emphatically. but he is the best i know at listening till you’re finished trying to make your point. i grew up in a house where the dinner table was a place where you had to work to be heard (which might be part of why i turned to writing…), so the dinner table that’s now ours is a place where i’ve worked hard to learn the art of conversation. i’m still learning….
Thanks for the gentle reminder of how far we have descended. Evolutionists discuss the ascent of man, and the wise among us decry the descent of man. I love the space devoted to the art of listening. Thanks for raising my awareness. Again.
what a blessing to find you here, sweet heart. always wise. xoxo
I’ve been thinking about this so much. We have forgotten (or maybe some never learned) how to listen. Someone, the one who yells loudest has the final say—facts be damned—these days. This has been popping up not only on TV screens but also in dinning room discussions in my life. Which is so deeply sad to know the Fox (insert any shouty broadcast) trickle down is very real. So, I was touched even more deeply by the poignant play “Quietly” that I saw this week at the Irish Repertory Theater in NYC. The story is about human loss, conflict resolution, forgiveness but most of all listening—truly giving someone space to tell their story and to be heard. All of this is framed in one night at a pub when a Protestant and Catholic meet up in Belfast as adults post-Troubles, but it is universal in its themes. And it couldn’t be more timely than right now.
oh, laur, this sounds amazing. i love the name of the play, for one. and, as i think back to when your family hosted the kids from northern ireland, in the heat of The Troubles, i know how much resonance this must have had. you make me want to leap onto a plane to come to new york to drink this in. quietly.
i wonder if i could find the script….
and thank you for noting “insert any shouty broadcast.” so true, so true……
xoxo
Barb- I know I can always count on you to remind me that not all is lost…. thank you for being a twinkling fairy light. xoxoxo
dear beautiful, we try to leave the light on here. and i love when you stop by. thank you. xoxox
YES! You said this so beautifully and clearly.These next months will signal if we, as a nation and community, can face the future with the same healthy vigor and openness that made us a place of promise. More dialogues and reflections like yours could begin the healing. Than
ks for saying this!
praying mightily for these next few months. praying mightily that every tomorrow can bring us closer to calm, cool, compassionate discourse, where we can drop the defenses and listen for the opening of our hearts……
It’s not politics here but is about themes that underlie it. Well done…beautiful…I was riveted by your post. I’m not surprised that you’re using your words for good but this is another fine specimen.
A whole course in nursing school? I didn’t know this but based on those in my circle who are nurses, I’m not surprised. Is there a profession in which this is not critical? Is there professional school that should not have this course?
How much more of this we could unpack and continue this conversation…listen to each other. Let’s.
i’m not sure if every nursing school has such a course, but we were blessed. so blessed. the professor who taught it was one of the most radiant lights i’ve ever known. she saved my life in those ways that unsuspecting angels sometimes do….
As you well know, I’ve been keeping my head down of late, immersing myself in a quiet world of needle and thread – a needed retreat from the news… Thank you, my friend, for being a voice for goodness and love. xoxo
i love that you keep your head down, and do so while intently studying and stitching beauty. what a respite, a world so quiet you can hear thread being pulled through cloth……