the quiet of my house
by bam
i’ve been cataloging, the last few days, the things i’ll miss.
i’ve been walking through my life keeping watch, and taking silent census.
it’s become, i’ve realized, an inventory of the ordinary made sacred.
i can’t deny, as i roam from room to room, this house of mine, this creaking groaning house, has, in many ways, become the vessel for a prayerful life.
no hallelujah chorus here, no cymbals clanging by the hour.
just the barely-noticed wisps–through the window panes, amid the wind-blown daffodils, cast upon the kitchen table–that launch for me a tapestry of joy and wonder.
a place of simple, daily prayer, is what it is. and what i’ll miss. so very much.
i’ll miss the birdsong all day long, and the doings of the little sparrows who, on the branch outside my window, propagate the species.
i’ll miss my sweet holy viburnum exploding right before my eyes. and my traipsings, not infrequent, to see what’s sprouting, improbably, through the sodden thawing earth.
i’ll miss knowing how the light slants in at noon. or 10. or 2.
i’ll miss being alone.
oh, i’m not going too far, and i’m not going so long, really. just downtown, three days a week.
it’s just that for 16 years almost, i’ve worked from where i live; i’ve lived from where i work. i’ve cleaned the sink, then put in a call to ms. or mr. know-it-all, or, sometimes, just the random hoi polloi.
i’ve dashed to close the windows when the rain came pouring down, and then returned to type a sentence. or several hundred. and all the while soaked up the rat-a-tat of pounding rain as it punctuated and permeated the percussive clicking on the keyboard.
i have, over all these years, found sublime the rhythms of my wholly seamless life, the way i’ve chopped onions while thinking up a verb. or made beds while waiting for the phone to ring. my one job never ends, and neither does my other. and i’ve come to love it that way–to count on it.
but, these days, much is changing. and last week the folks i write for told me i’ll be writing on their turf. not mine. they need me nearby. i understand, of course, but it hardly means that i’m not aching.
i started this experiment in typing lifetimes ago, really. i’d not yet birthed my firstborn, but one hot day in may, i waddled home, dumped my notebooks, and never did go back.
after he was born, i didn’t miss the office, not one day. didn’t give it a thought, not much anyway. not till the weeks turned into months and the unavoidable truth was seeping in: it was nearly time to start to type again. but i couldn’t leave. couldn’t figure out how i’d up and wrench myself away from the little one who owned my heart.
i had a boss back then–and now it seems like once-upon-a-time ago, the stuff of fairy tales–who said this to teary me: “i don’t care if you write from mars, just turn in great stuff.”
and so, from mars, i tried.
along the way, on this planet where i’ve typed, i’ve become a certain sort of mother-writer. and this old house–nearly as much as its inhabitants–has pulled me in, sunk into my bones. but even more, my heart.
these walls i’ve memorized. these creaky floor boards, and the pipes that sing. i know them all. we’ve grown accustomed to our quirky ways. i understand that the pipes are old, and whining now. i know the shower’s got the shakes, at least, that is, when you slam the water off, too swiftly for its feeble constitution.
more than anything, though, what i’ll miss are the ways my house invites the outside in. or, sometimes, how the outside merely barges in, not waiting for a proper beckoning.
it’s in the spilling of the sunlight, or the bird that perches on my sill, that i feel cupped some days in the palm of God.
i’ve grown porous over all these years, and my house has too.
seems i need the blessed stream of birdsong and the dappled light–it’s the holiest of holies here among us–to keep me upright, keep my knees from buckling under.
and it’s the uninterrupted hours alone in this old house and rambly garden that i’ve come to call my peace on earth.
but now, instead, i’ll ride a rumbling train, dodge taxicabs that nearly leap the curb. i’ll sit all day amid a room of metal cubicles, and crusty folk who cuss. an awful lot, i tell you.
it’ll take some getting used to, if i ever truly do.
and when the day is done, when at last i’m bumbling in the door, and safely back where i belong, i do believe i’ll traipse, all right. from room to room. around the so-called grounds.
i’ll wind the clock, perhaps. fluff the pillows that the cat has squished, shake out the bits of fur.
i’ll see what’s bloomed while i’ve been gone.
i’ll poke my nose where the sparrows built their nest.
i’ll search for signs that God stopped by–even if by flashlight, i have to comb for evidence.
oh, lordy, this was hard to write. i started back at half past five this morning, then stopped to do the million things the day demanded. some other day, perhaps, i’ll tell of the very hardest part of all of this–leaving the little one, the one who bounds in each day from school. the one who asked, “but, mommy, what if i come home all sad?”
or perhaps i’ll tell the story of the saint behind the byline, my mama who stepped right up to the plate, said she’d be here after school two days. and fix dinner, besides. i’m blessed. and so so tired. so g’night for now. i’ll be back to clean this up, tomorrow. for now, it’s the best these tired hands could type.
Boy Barb, Can I identify. When I can work from home, I feel unified. When I have to switch between house and office, I feel disjointed, compartmentalized.Plus, there are lots more ways to waste time at an office–more interruptions. At home, I think I am more efficient getting my work done. And, in your situation, I guess you should be happy that the journalism world still knows what they’ve got in you, and want more of it. Plus, do you get to commute and work somewhere on the same floor as your spouse? That should be consolation!
Another thing to miss:Fresh air from open windows and doors.
Barb, the way you dissect your home and inventory all its iinhales and exhales, you will soon be finding the same at the Tower. but with Gods other creatures, us humans,,,,,,,,,and I hope you find humor in all our quirkiness. They soon will be the dappling of light, through a smile and the storm of their personalities will make you close your imaginary windows. at times.Ever moving ever evolving. You will have to name your new associates after flowers, weeds, birdssecretly to keep things fun ! How fortunate that your little one is now a full day student, the timing for this is good as far as schooling goes, if it has to be. Yes, it will be hard at first I am not taking that away from you. But if anybody can make it fun , you can. Hey, maybe you can meet your husband at the water cooler or shouldwe call him delphinium ? tall and full of interest? or will he be a cardinal, see how it works ! EMB
These are days of transition … for many … in our household we are finding that what we’ve depended upon for more than 30 years is now changing and now we’re learning how to ‘step out of the boat’ to see how we fare out on the water.I may be finding myself working full time soon … something I’ve not done since my firstborn graced our home nearly 20 years ago, and like you too, bam, my youngest comes home every day from 4th grade knowing that I’m there to kiss every hurt, smooth out every wrinkle, or handle any bit of drama her day presented. I am so torn, as many moms are today, between duty at home and at the office. There are so many uncertainties … but I still believe in quality over quantity, the best in place of ‘good enough’. I’ve sat in that wonderful old house of yours and love blooms … and not just in the garden, dear one.Your refreshing presence will be a welcome thing amid those cubicles … and who knows … it may not be forever. Your house is your sanctuary, now more than ever … especially those three days a week. xoxoxo
Oh, this will be hard. Like you, there is no place I’d rather be than home. These walls protect me and allow me to be in my zone. And when you add the insecurities of a young one to your own, it only gets worse. I wish I had a magic formula to make it all better. That is something you will have to come to terms with on your own. As others have suggested, try to make the time away as special as you possibly can. Look to the advantages of this new situation. Try to enjoy what goes on at the office as much as you enjoy what is at home. If I know anything, I know you will make this work not only for yourself but for your entire family. Best wishes and lots of luck to you during this transition. I want to add that I love the pitcher of flowers on your table. I have noticed that pitcher before in pictures here. I have the same exact one in my kitchen. Do you have the tea pot that matches it? Peace and joy to you! Peace and joy to all!
The balance you have so carefully crafted with your life/writing will definitely be altered. This makes me ache for you, BAM. Of course you will do wondrous things in the days and years ahead but still, this is a significant loss and poignant moment for all. “For all that has been, Thanks!For all that will be, Yes.”
oh bless you each and all. and, oh jack, that is amazing that you a.) noticed that ol pitcher and b.) you have it tooo!! it’s from my mama, and i LOVE it (hmm, ever notice how in comments CAPS are legal and allowed, while i’d NEVER cross that line up above, in meanderings? oh well.) anyway, i know there was a biiiiiggg bowl that my mama uses still when she is letting bread dough rise. i know little of its provenance, except that it comes from my mama, and i think maybe her mama before that. and that i love love love it. my mom gave it to me so i would have a pitcher of milk on the table (fear not, the cardboard carton isn’t there, mon dieu, my grandma lucille would disown me if i ever did that; instead of both of the above i just leave the carton in the fridge and refill from there, but we are getting way distracted here). the pitcher though had a crack–it’s very old–so i decided to use it instead for flowers on my old table. for years now i’ve been in search of just the right old blue-and-white pitcher to use for milk on the table. but by the time i find one my boys will be grown and there won’t be anyone wanting milk 10,000 times during dinner.i just want to say thank you, really, to each of you for reminding me to find the delphiniums in the new plot i call the office. and psst don’t tell, but there might have been MAYBE one or two things that made me smile. but, geeeeeeeeeez am i exhausted after just one week of this commuting back and forth nonsense. and do you think anyone will notice if i wear my daily uniform of black fleece and those black exer-pants? hmm. i might have to shop for just a thing or two, don’t you think? pammy, come to chi-town and we’ll find some full-time office clothes. xoxo
Any excuse to come to town works for me … xoxo
My work sometimes is my “home” too…and my transitions between my home, which I love, and my “office” I love becomes blurred. I am happy in both places and torn to leave both at sometimes. Perhaps that is a blessing, but then blessings are often very complicated. There is a richness in that too. How zen….how blessed am I.
Thank God you still have a paycheck.
AMEN to that. i do not take it for granted, not one bit, not one minute, not ever. and i know, like the brilliant souls all around me, it could get yanked at any minute.
I love EMB’s idea to look at the people around us at work as flowers and other growing things around us in the garden. Let’s declare it “People as Plants” day, and each get a chuckle as we pronounce one of our colleagues, perhaps one who is perky, to be a daisy, and one who sabotages, a particularly pesky weed. Someone who is fertile with ideas can be a pollinating bee. Taken further, we can each name the type of garden that is our workplace. Is yours fertile and sunny, with a good mix of water? Or, is it an arid landcape? Or, could it be a growing place if only the clouds and bad weather (bad economy, difficult boss, moving through bankruptcy) would move on or dissipate?
I suggest bam be the office daffodil … a sunny soul with a strong ‘stem’ who knows how to hold her head up. Shine on!
bless your beautiful heart, magnolia. xoxx
beautiful and touching. makes me ache.
from one happily ensconced hermit to another, my condolences. there is nothing more wonderful than the luxury of working from home. it fits just right. thank goodness it’s only three days a week! i send hugs, my friend.
Barb –Greetings from a long-ago Trib friend. I am in the curious position of watching the turmoil at the Tower from a distance, feeling it intensely and fighting dread as I open my paper each day, knowing i’ll find fewer and fewer familiar names. I’m sorry you must leave your home, to commute and work in such uncertainty. I have been a follower of your blog for a long time, and am refreshed by your view of the world. Our lives have many common threads, and I would love to catch up. Please email or call if you have time (708-488-1224) Thanks for your blog–it is an oasis!
i’m thinkin’ that’s none other than the famous miss america, as dear dear milt the sailor used to say. the sweet mystery of the chair is not knowing who or where the chairs are being pulled up, and how utterly delightful to find out you’ve been peeking in. i will surely give you a ring-a-ling. although after a long day in the mud (it is the balm for all the aching places deep inside me….) i am headed to the only place that will accept me in this sorry state: the tub. i might not be able to call for a couple days, as there is little space for catching-up in the all-steel cubicles. next day at home is friday….i can imagine how odd and aching it must feel to look in on a place you were such a part of, back in the glory days…..thanks for caring about it still. and, mostly, thanks for coming here to where it’s truly sacred…..
My pitcher is from my mama, too. And, yes, it has been used to hold milk at the table before it somehow cracked. This is a bit uncanny. :)) I don’t have any huge mixing bowls from my childhood home, though. That baking gene of my mother’s passed right by me. Hope you are finding your way through this transition, BAM.
I write this from the basement, having just finished a conference call about a project – and just before I run up to throw a load of laundry in the dryer. So I know the gift of being able to multi-task. My only advice – infect the steel cubicles with lavender and forsythia and roses and the blooms of spring and the blossoms of summer. Infect the tower with fragrance and beauty and see what grows from that. Birds bring seeds to far off places – you may find yourself like a bird, allowing steel to bloom. The connections you make among the cubicles may allow green shoots now lying quietly in the dirt to thrive.It will be hard to know that you are not home for your baby when he comes in off the bus – but never forget this – you are there for him.
Thanks, anne, i know wherever i stand is HOLY GROUND…Go toe-to-toe with death, and you’ll know LIFE like never before. Pulsating.
The pitcher and bowl were gifts from our friends at Quaker Oats. and I still use the bowl when I bake bread.
I am getting ready to sell my home..and this made me cry….becauseas Thomas Wolf said “you can’t go home again”. It is a space that I feel so centered and rooted, I feel as if I am loosing a limb.Some how, some way…I will find a life on the other side. (I will!)I can’t imagine it will feel even close to the same.Annie
dear annie, oh, do i feel with and for you. i left a house i loved before i moved to this one. and i too cried. and thought i’d die leaving it, the house where my babies both came home the very first time. the first house we’d owned. and filled with story after story.i ache for you that you are leaving a piece of your heart behind. but always it will travel with you. i made this odd real estate exception for a beloved perennial, my jack frost brunnera, which is blooming now. i couldn’t leave without taking something treasured with me, so up i dug, and now it blooms. every time it carries me back to the first house i loved. maybe there is some tangible treasure you too can bring along. my heart is with you……let us know when you land. and we will help you find things to love….
How very, very, very hard. Be gentle with yourself, as much as you can be, and let out the ache in your heart. One of the days you’re downtown, give a holler, and we’ll take sandwiches down by the riverwalk and sit in the sunshine.