motherprayer
by bam
it is what we do on days like this.
we worry, yes. we scramble eggs. we pack lunches, thick with steak. we check on bedroom lights late into the night. make sure they’re off, and tousled heads are sleeping. we drive. deliver children to the schoolhouse door. and all day long, we keep an eye on clocks.
short of picking up a pencil, and rambling on with no idea whatsoever just what it is we’re trying to convince, to whomever is the teacher who dropped the year-end exam onto our quaking desk, we really haven’t many worldly options.
and so, we surrender.
we employ the mothertongue as ancient as any known. since first birth (and i mean at the dawn of time), i’d wager, there’ve been mothers who turn their words, their breaths, their whispered vespers over to on high.
we pray.
we fill in blanks with words that wash out from deep inside of us, and over us, and far into beyond.
we pray for hours if we have to, keeping on with all the rest we do. not letting on that deep inside there is prayer at work.
we drop to knees. we sprinkle holy water, head and chest and shoulders. we turn to east. we genuflect. we lay down and stretch our arms as high as we can reach. we venerate. we call on saints, and ones we love who are no longer, but might well come to the holy blessed rescue.
oh, yes.
i’ve seen heavy-hearted mothers, on their knees, crawl up great stone church steps, and down a long, long aisle that ripped their flesh but not their spirit, dead-set they were on laying down their knotted bundled prayers at the foot of a bare and marbled altar.
i’ve heard mothers ululate, sending untamed sounds to a place that understands, even if we’ve no idea just where that someplace is.
we pray, us mothers all, in many creeds and faiths and dialects, but always in one united tongue: we pray for our children.
we pray for what they need. we pray for what’s beyond our reach, but so help us, we’ll provide–if prayer can make it be.
there is an alchemy to prayer. a mysticism that cannot be explained. it is holy pleading raised to the nth power.
motherprayer needn’t be explained. we needn’t pass a test. we can pray that children make it ’cross the stage without tripping on their laces. and we can pray — just watch — that the blood test comes back clear.
this ordinary thursday i was pulled, like lunar moth to lamplight, into the great stone church i always pass. only, this morning, my footsteps fell into the dim-lit chamber, empty at that early hour. only dawn’s light poured through stained-glass windows, washed the floor in many-colored jigsaw puzzle. but that’s not why i came.
i came, because deep inside my ever-catholic heart, i knew i’d find a tall wax column, one with wick poking from the top. for all the quarters in my pocket, and all the ardor in my soul, it was mine to spark with light. and let burn through all the day, and into night.
it is motherprayer kindled. it is bathing, i am certain, the boy i love with all there is that i can’t solely muster.
i scrambled eggs. i nestled steak between the onion bun. i squeezed his hand. and kissed him on the head.
and then i watched him lope into the classroom, where three last exams stack up like hurdles, the only thing between one long hard year and summer.
i knew, as i watched him go, that he wasn’t all alone. i could see a bright light shining. incandescence lit his way.
never mind that its flame was back at church, miles and miles away.
that candle wraps him, shields him. that candle gives him might, of the sort he needs today.
i know. i lit it with a motherprayer. and motherprayer is infinite and lasts forever.
motherprayer picks up, where earthly mother cannot reach.
motherprayer is wholly holy. and Holiness has ears, i’ve learned, for all that’s spilled in never-ending prayer of mother.
even if She whispers not her sure reply, i always know the Holy Answers echo back to me, and mine.
that’s how it is with motherprayer. and that is why, on days like this, i pray with all my motherheart.
prayer is many things. it is words. it is wordless. it is surging from the soul. it is, sometimes, practicing God’s presence. it is invoking all the angels and powers most supreme. no one religion holds a lock on prayer. it is hardwired into who we are. mothers surely aren’t the only ones who pray, it’s simply that our prayer–coming from a naked place that knows so wholly those who once leaned on us for breath and beating heart–is absolute and unbreakable. what motherprayer have you prayed? who motherprayed for you?
Ohhh bam, i am not yet a mother, but I have experienced wondrous woman and mother prayers. I just lit a candle in prayer for all of the souls who journey with us.i don’t know if you or anyone else sitting on the table listened to NPR’s “speaking of faith with Krista Tippet” last week, but the whole hour focused on”approaching prayer.” It is oh so beautiful and I say with as much loving pushes as I can, please do listen or read the transcript if you have a chance. What struck me most about the program, was that prayers so often come before words. here is the link: http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/approachingprayer/sadly, i know of mothering prayers at the time of immediate loss and grief. Just the other day, I sat with a woman, as she rocked back and forth in grief, because the doctors and nurses at the end of the hallway were trying to get her loved one’s heart beating again. As I sat beside her and she ached with the opposite of labor pains, she ached with the possibility that grief would come to enfold her in the next moment. As she cried, and I tried to breathe a space where she would not be swallowed up in complete agony and pain, suddenly nurses and a unit secretary, all women mind you, surrounded us. Where once there was a woman rocking in fear by herself, there now were four woman rocking and waiting in the rhythm of fear that there was nothing more the doctors could do. With my arm across this woman’s shoulder, I could feel the hand of the nurse on her other side. As I looked down, the shine of her tears made shiny spots on my black clogs. I focused on those fallen tears and prayed in the rhythm of her rocking and my breathing. Sadly, this woman does now know grief. I prayed with this woman as she laid across the bed of her loved one. I cannot say these prayers alone, for the questions and the aches can sometimes be too much. When I left the hospital, I stopped to talk with every nurse and the secretary who prayed within the rhythms of the pains of grief. I told them, that even though they work soley with adult patients, they taught me that they were midwives of the heart. They stood by this woman in her darkest moments and provided witness, that she was not alone in her grief. It is moments like this that remind me that we can never fully understand the pain or experience of another person’s heart, but we together, can light a candle and move to the rhythms of our hearts together.
heaven-sent slj, here you go, whammin’ it out of the park. what a magnificent aching portrayal of motherprayer at its fullest. by my definition of mothering it is not only to one’s natural-born child. it is mothering, the verb, mothering the child in all of us. even when it’s a stranger, someone we’d not known the day before but whose heart is suddenly in our care, your care. you and all the women who labored with her as she, in this sad passage, rode the tidal wave from life to death. you raise up motherprayer to all that it can be. motherprayer in life, and death. motherprayer when it matters most. motherprayer in highest form. your writing here, once again, takes a conversation and lifts it…….you are the answer to a prayer. do know that. and yes yes i will go check ms tippett. i need an ipod so i can listen to these things while doing other things. i never sit still long enough to listen to a podcast………..i will at least go read the transcript. prayer is so wholly universal. and that’s my point. it comes in forms orthodox and wholly not. bless you…….always, bless you….
“motherprayer” is something familiar and part of my blood and bone, passed on from a minimum of three generations….I am wondering about and lighting a candle for those who don’t have it in their history…may they find it, because I can’t think of a more fundamental part of my soul than this…how else can I be a partner, mother, friend? Yes, it is a symbol…but such power in it. Thanks bam and slj….good teamwork.
Most days, I am so wrapped in the details, logistics and activites before me that I do not find time for prayer. I do more than I take time to reflect. I work hard to ensure that my actions do reflect my faith and what I hold dear in my soul. However, your comments remind me that there is more support out there – in reaching out to find the grace that prayer offers.
I can back up lamcal on that generational one; I usually end relating my misadventures with the line, “well, my mother prayed a lot…” It’s really the only way I can explain still being here in one piece, when by rights I should be in much worse shape. Like the time I flipped the hang glider in flight; or landed a parachute between the power lines, or totaled our Maverick. I was never seriously hurt, and usually ended a little smarter Keep praying bam; intentions are powerful, whatever form they take.
this is probably not the correct thing to do, but I could use a few good prayers myself right now…pretty serious circumstances…if you could spare a quick prayer in my direction it would be much appreciated!
Dear Anonymous,Done.
dear anon, motion seconded. just found the plea. consider it doubletimed. bless you. of course this is a place to ask for anything you need. especially prayer. there are many chairs here. thank you for asking, and sensing it was the right place to do so…….
Of course, Anonymous. Ask and receive. This is the place.slj you filled my eyes with tears and made it impossible to read the rest, confound you.I do not think that I pray enough for my children. And I do not think I ever have had motherprayers said for me. Are these things linked?Anon, I’ll pray for you, and could you please pray for me?
dear julie, bless you. i think they must be linked, but i sure don’t think they have to be. i am thinking that in the silent moving of our mothers’ lips we learned, perhaps, there is a point where prayer takes over, and holy vapors kick in. perhaps, as you suggest/ask/wonder, there is a chain of mother linked to child, who then carries on……where do we learn the ways we pray? there is a question for the table…..but dear darling, i think like any wings, we can learn to fly from beyond the motherhouse. we learn from friends we love. and even strangers whose souls speak to ours. i met such a soul the other day, sitting on a bench in her garden. telling stories. listening to how she lives. a little bit of her, i think, i hope, rubbed off on me. anyway, must run now. firstborn is scarfing orange rolls and then it’s off to school for two last hours. amen. i’ll be back to see if someone has a thought about how it is we learn to pray……
dear bami have a column of yours i carry in my wallet from over nine years ago titiled “what’s precious becomes more so when it’s singular”. at that time i was in a similar situation and remember reading it with tears streaming down my cheeks. i have been so blessed with another child (now 9) after being told i would never have another…my very own miracle. within the last year or so i have found PUAC quite by accident…can’t really remember how i found it, but it has touched me so deeply, i feel so at home here, like i belong. i feel like there is a reason i have found PUAC, and was amazed to realize you were the same person whose column i still carry with me every day. this year has been an especially bad one for me, and reading this blog has helped me look for the grace that sometimes is hard to find during trying circumstances, especially when you really need it.the responses to my plea for prayers moved me to tears, i can’t tell you how much it means…perfect strangers (although you don’t feel like strangers at all) coming to my rescue. i thank all who offered their prayers, please know i wlll be praying for you, too.and thanks bam, for creating this place where any and all can come and find true grace and love.
Dear Anonymous,I remember that column of BAM’s that you carry with you, too. We are all lucky she created this space and these words in the blogosphere. Praying for you in your difficult time. Virtually here for you.
oh, holy goodness gracious, i remember writing that piece with tears pouring down my cheeks, back in the years when it seemed my motherprayers–and someone else’s brotherprayers–were not at all being heard. and bless the great good sense of humor of the God who waited till i was 44 and sound asleep in dreamland to tell me–in a technicolor dream, of course–that i was really truly finally having one sweet baby child…. now, of course, he’s the little one of whom i so often write, because i don’t think i’ll ever exhaust the sense that all of him–every firecracker ounce of him–is prayer answered. and, besides, he delights and amuses me to no end, and i think i write much of this for him for when he’s old, when he might want to remember who he was, and how his mother traipsed along beside him, wholly loving his adventures in the world. and bless my pounding heart that you tucked away that little something that i wrote–in your wallet, or your drawer–and now we’ve found each other here. tell me there are not sparks of grace that light our way? that bring us to places, however hard to find, where we do belong…..that candle up above, it’s lit for you today. and you and you and all of us who poke around the darkness and find this place where light comes. even on a day that’s dim, and we only know the light is there because we catch the shadows dancing far off in the distance….
How can we ever know how much our prayers are worth and what they can achieve? We pray in faith, trusting and believing that they are heard and that an answer is forthcoming. We pray for others and hope that others are doing the same for us. My mother prayed fervently. Many times she prayed all night while my father worked the graveyard shift and we seven children were tucked in our beds. I remember hearing her cries in the night. When I was old enough to truly understand she confided to me that her life depended upon those prayers and that her best and truest friend was God. I can only hope to one day be the praying mother that she was and still is.I pray for my daughters every day. I prayed for their future mates while they were still cradled in my arms. I’ve cried when they felt lonely and afraid, when others were unkind or downright mean to them. I don’t think there are words yet created that can describe the utter helplessness a mother feels when their child is in pain or sadness. There are no words, but our motherhearts cry in an unknown tongue that God understands.
Prayer thoughts… I learned to pray at home with small bedtime prayers for myself and family – gently learning that it was not just about “me”. At school I learned to push that boundary to include those I might never meet. My grade school was on a busy boulevard. Whenever an ambulance would go by with sirens blaring, the sisters would have us stop for just a minute to make the sign of the cross and say a silent prayer for whoever was in need right then. After eight years of training, well…it became a reflectful and reflexive act that I still find myself doing whenever I hear a siren, even if I don’t make the sign of the cross, there is always a prayer said. I don’t know when I moved to candles…perhaps in church, grandma/mom example at home, but there is always a candle over my kitchen sink. My best prayer time settles in over water, suds, and at the alter I have created there with odds and ends that connect me to the world inside and outside of me. At the school where I work, there is a large blank journal book that is on a stand in the hall near my office. It is the book of intentions for our K through 8 students. They all know that they may stop and write a prayer or ask for prayers for everything from a tiny goldfish to an ill parent – It is one of my most grounding moments of the day to stop by that book…so many prayers are carried in the small (but unbelievably large) hearts of grade schoolers. I am feeling blessed to journey in a world where prayer is honored and embraced. I will be lighting my candle tonight for all who have pulled up a chair….amen.
prayers are without a doubt heard. as i asked for your (and others) prayers for me last week, i was on the edge of deep despair over a desperate situation. today i can say your prayers for me have been answered. while things are not perfect, they certainly have gone from despair to hope. we need to keep lighting that candle in the dark, and never lose hope..i can’t thank you enough for your good intentions for me…you are all in my prayers…keep on believing!
and bless you, anon, for coming back to us to tell us that the words put out on wings met their destination, and cam back to you in kind…….bless you. bless you. hope is a light-filled thing. whatever it was we hold you still, simply because you had the courage and the faith to ask……amen…