the gospel of the pillow
by bam
the day had been long, had been wretched, had been draining in that way that day after day of worry can make it.
the task at hand, at least according to the books, was getting the little one into bed. the clock said so. the dark said so. only the little one seemed to dissent. he seemed wide awake for a few innings of baseball.
so it was me, the one who slid onto the sheets, curled in a ball, and lay there, eyes closed. just breathing. feeling the rise and the fall of my chest. hearing my heart. my heart that all day had felt like it was trudging a mountain. or cracking in half.
that’s when the boy who struggles with pencils spoke: “are you hurt? are you worried? are you tired?
“you need to sleep,” he said, touching my hair.
“grownups,” he told me matter-of-factly, “are more important than kids.
“you want your grownup to stay alive to keep you safe.”
he started to put his hands to the back of my nightgown. he made little circles where the angel wings might have started to sprout, back when God was deciding if we’d be the species with wings or without.
he was the putter-to-bed, this long achy night. it was my little one, with his hands and his words, who woke me up from my over-drained stupor. i didn’t move, didn’t flinch, but i tell you my spine tingled. had i not wanted to scare him i would have sat wholly up. his words pierced through to my heart.
i whispered them back, as if a refrain. “you want your grownup to stay alive to keep you safe.”
i realized that was his prayer. mine too. dear God, i whispered so no one could hear, give me strength. the sort of strength i’d needed before. the strength to get up a mountain. to look out from the top.
just earlier that very same evening, i’d been in a church listening to a very wise soul. a woman who’d once struggled with polio. she said, and she meant it, “you can survive anything. you have to decide to survive.”
i decided then and there that my weary old bones had nowhere to go, except to lie by the side of my lastborn. i let his hand circles and his words wash over me, fill me, soothe my twittering heart.
i asked him then about grownups, about why he thought they might be more important than kids (a point i would argue, if not in inquisitive mode).
“they make your food,” was his very first thought, one that came without pause. “they check it out at the store. and they make it, the farmers do.
“they’re good for the environment, the garbage people are,” he continued.
“they stop people from doing mean things,” was the last of his litany.
i lay there absorbing the gospel according to the one whose head shared the pillow. i lay there thinking how God speaks to us, some hours, in the voice of a 6-year-old boy.
i lay there feeling the tenderness, feeling the power of his wisdom. i marveled long and hard at the miracle of how the teacher speaks to the student at the hour of absolute need.
i marveled at the clairvoyancy of a child. how a child sees through the thick of a heart, through the tangle. how a child, as if a surgeon who works with micro-sized scalpels, can incise right to the core of the matter. can feed in the words that the heart needs to hear. can wake up even the sleepy.
i thought, as i reached out and stroked his soft curls, no, my sweet, the grownup is the one who desperately deeply needs the eyes and the voice of the child.
at my house last night, it was the child who was keeping the grownup so very safe.
there are many voices of God all around us, if only we listen. have you been struck lately by one voice that rises above all of the others? that comes out of the din, speaks straight to your heart, points the way toward the light? are you, like me, amazed at how often that voice is the voice of a child?
The other message you should be hearing is that there should not be a moment of worry out of you for your very wise wee one! So what if he has trouble with a pencil? He clearly has NO trouble with words and deep thinking! The conflict mightl be navigating him safely through the convention of social and educational norms–but those are sooo mundane, and he is MUCH beyond that in every way! With parents as supportive, encouraging and positively certain of his success in life as you are, he will become an amazing man, doing amazing things!
What a sweet soft-hearted little honey. Carol’s right–he’s got the important stuff down.So often little ones speak the truth, out of nowhere it seems sometimes, like the very voice of God himself coming right through their luminous small faces. I say this with no sentimentality about children whatsoever. My 4-year-old daughter is in One Of Those Phases right now where she’s struggling with everything, everything is difficult, everything prompts howls and kicks and punches and spitting. It isn’t very pleasant for any of us. And yet that is the incongruity, the fickleness, the volatility of childhood: it is about each of these little ones that Jesus spoke when he said that unless someone becomes like a little child, they cannot come to him. That’s sort of a shocking thing to say, even to folks who love children, but to those with less patience with small ones it’s terribly vexing and annoying. But the fact is, children’s hearts are so at the surface of their being, their eyes are so unclouded by self-delusion, and they are so clear on where the important things come from, that they can’t help but channel the truth–not infrequently. Your little guy did that for you last night when you needed it most. What a sweetie. I will remember his wise words! Peace and grace and restedness to you bam as you move into this new day.
blessed jcv, you put it so eloquently, and that was the whole point here, as carol grasped too. it’s just as you say, j, the lack of delusion, the innocence still. the clarity born out of the madcap upsidedownness of childhood. one minute it’s, as you say, a tantrum, and the next it’s the words that can only be born of a truth and an understanding that is sooo wholly divine. i sometimes think it’s that they are not so long away from heaven, having just come from there, that makes the children so fluent in the tongue of the angels……i could read and re-read the way that you put it, and that, on this day, is a very fine gift.and, yes, carol, i do wholly know what you say about the challenge here is to weave that intellect through the maze and the channels that the school days demand. bless you for your embrace of him. and for me too. don’t worry, anyone, wont to worry. there’s been a bit of a spell. but with grace and a circle of hearts i can rest on, we will all survive. in one solid piece. i choose to tell truth here. and the truth is, last night a boy spoke wisdom that poured strength back into his mother. blessings to all……
people tell me, ‘it must be so hard to work with children when they are sick,’ yes my heart has many cracks, but children with their wisdom, day in and day out, fill those cracks with a prophetic salve like no other.there are days when i stuff my emotions so deep, that they start to pop out in all of the wrong places and if they don’t pop out, they bring on a head ache or sleepless fit. Sometimes I wish I would give in more easily to what i am feeling in each and every moment. I am not a mother, but I have been present for children’s temper tantrums before and they can be downright agony, yet after the tantrum is done, those same children seem to have all the more room for love and laughter in their hearts. There is some truth that it feels better to have a good cry, sometimes I just don’t know how or when to let those tears out, and if they are stuffed for too long the salt isn’t a salve but an acid to my soul. I hope to remember the wisdom of our elementary sages that a good cry outloud is better than a stuffed crybless the children who speak to us when our hearts and ears are open. help us dear god to not close our ears and hearts to all that they have to teach us.
slj, you speak such truth. Years ago my mother owned a pre-school where some of the children came from less than perfect homes or their home life was very difficult. There were times when they would cry over what seemed to be nothing to the naked eye. But my mother, a wise one she is, would give them space to cry it out and never scolded them for doing so. And yes, afterward they seemed to have emptied out to allow more space for love and laughter.As for me, there are times when I need to have a good cry. It’s like a cleansing … as if ‘stuff’ is washed away and afterward I feel like I’ve unloaded and even my shoulders are straighter and stronger.bam, your little one was an instrument of peace when your world demanded it. A sweet reminder that at times children can be far more mature than many adults we know.You are a blessed woman, never forget.
This little one knows great truths, some of which he can articulate in his own way, the rest come out inadvertently. I LOVE IT! He’s right, “You want your grownup to stay alive to keep you safe.” No matter what we go through, we have to go on, because others need us and love us. We have a responsibility to others. But the very thing we’re going through that we think may well kill us, was permitted into our lives to strengthen us…Glory to God.